6/02/2005
Entries from a sane but lonely man

This is where my high school education failed me.

I came from a really small school. Think of ten students in the entire graduating batch. My school isn't like yours; you must have had a share of what we are experiencing now. For me these are all happening for the first time.

Along that comes my freezing. In theory I can actually cope, since many people are saying that I'm really sociable. Yes, I think - I'm just holding back a lot.

My history explains it all (Huey and Isa know that - well, they were there!). First year was very traumatic: I came from a school where I had lots of friends and suddenly I'm shocked to see really different people. I never got space to adjust.

The rest, they say, is history, and up to now - even when I think I already have overcome whatever happened to me back in San Beda Alabang - I still stop and think about what I'm going to do, and what I'm going to say.

I end up not doing that. I still am impulsive.

I'm not blaming my freshman high school year anymore. I had a lot of people saying the past's the past. And maybe the three and a half years in a class with only ten people helped me. I was popular once again.

Today - again, I'm saying this - it's okay, but not so.

Kizia just popped in and said everything correctly. I should have learned to follow the advice of those damned writers four years ago. It seems that everyone's been telling me this.

Oh no. Not another I realized it just now post.

Anyway, I am feeling uncomfortable. I should have admitted it earlier. I am still in a freeze as to what to say and what to do without earning the ire of my blockmates. It was all a false sense of security - I thought it's already okay but I see myself just pausing because I think no one's noticing me.

And that is the case.

Once it hit me that we're all just high schoolers in a bigger campus. We're all acting the same, doing what we do in high school, acting just as if nothing's changed.

Well, not me.

So, as half of the block goes to Glorietta 4 and the other half at Robinson's Place Manila, I'm here, eating alone, blogging alone, thinking I'll stay alone for a long time. But if I just think about it, I'm actually not.

It's me who fails to recognize I have forty-something friends at my back, and a couple of hundred more waiting in the wings.

It seems that high school life isn't over yet...

And your responses...

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