6/28/2005
Signs of confusion

Okay, so I did disturb every Blogger user in my links list with comments related to my uncanny sadness in school. I just don't understand what Ale is trying to say but, if it means good, then thank you.

Obviously yesterday I was full of strife again. I felt so terrible I actually disturbed everyone - I sent comments to Ira, Caresse, Jaja, Martin and Jackie (presuming Ale actually read my longer comment) telling them that I'm feeling sad. I didn't know what I was thinking - would I expect anyone to reply?

Then there's this shoutout. I began to wonder if what I've done actually produced a negative effect. Suddenly, I'm so guilty.

I went home yesterday and I found Bryan, who's on the other side of the road, so I ended up riding home with him. Then, I saw Yum and Mhel Rose on the jeep, so we were four elementary classmates becoming extremely rambunctious (especially me) in the jeepney. Then and there I thought, I don't have to keep the very things that are disturbing me in school - I have them! Why didn't I realize that earlier?

So, the chat was peppered with a little bit of my personal details, the very things you wouldn't see me talk about. I had a past, yes, and it wasn't so good. But I think you have already read about it.

Well, there it is. Although I have divulged a little bit too much about myself to them (and I wasn't ready to acknowledge that yet, so guys, I was pretty unsure about what I actually said), I felt a little breather. Finally some of the things that have been literally letting me down are off. But, I still can't look. A little glance still brings back those thoughts.

Now for the funny stuff. But, I must warn you, this may turn out to be a little sad (and ridiculous).

I bought Missy Higgins' CD, and then I listened to it again today and realized the songs were a little bit sad (maybe break-up, but not really) - I realized what I buy reflects my mood of the season, just like when I got the Keane CD for Christmas at a time when I was really happy, and the Joss Stone CD at a time when I was a little bit tired (and willing to unwind - how's that for a CD review?).

Weirdly, our Politics class became some sort of a political forum after President Arroyo (finally!) broke her silence on the wiretapped conversations (this is where you can hear those tapes, and this link is happily snatched from Katia's blog), and Huey and Isah simulated a fight (for lack of a better term) because of their conflicting opinions. And so, what was supposed to be a thirty-minute discussion on the recent events became a ninety-minute not-so-roundtable discussion, with good points taken by our politically-driven (really?) classmates. I actually like those kind of discussions - they feel so much like a radio show.

And then I feel so alone. Aside from Icka doing the routinary greeting (that's a lot like Shutter, I think, but I end up scaring her somehow), there was... nothing much.

Okay, so I shouldn't feel that let down anymore. Besides, it's my fault anyway. if only I could remove those things (like what I told my friends) then I could socialize beautifully, and not just make an excuse for a conversation. Just like what I did last night.

And your responses...

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