7/14/2005
Maintaining your halo is hard

My mind is on a market economy system. My brain cells are free to decide on what to do - which explains the aura of weirdness that surrounds me - but, as a downside, it undergoes a continuous cycle of boom and bust.

Again, I'm on bust.

Something hit me as the day went on. I suddenly compared myself to an eternally discontented butterfly that just doesn't know where to go. Today I talked to too many people - which is supposed to be a positive thing - but when I see people just sticking together, well...

I'm basically saying the same things all over again.

Right now, however, it's not walking alone, or walking with someone for that matter. It's walking with someone I know I'll be comfortable with - someone who I know will keep walking with me. Simply said, I'm still looking for the same thing - it's only been clearer to me now.

I wonder. Will I ever have a best friend? Better yet, will I ever be a best friend to anybody? Will I ever play the role that Kizia plays to Martin, or the one that Kim plays to Tracy, or the one that Caresse plays to Kaymee, or the one that Jason plays to Sudoy, or the one that Cuyeg plays to Ale? Will I ever finally feel comfortable about what I can do?

I'm getting dramatic again, but I'm close to being demoralized (probably the way Jackie is) about college. I'm not really that sad anymore - think about the fact that I feel better now, although still a bit withdrawn regarding last week - but now I just wonder. It's probably too early, but looking at you guys still leaves something stuck.

Ironically, I just can't be a best friend to everyone. Worse, all the people I want to be a best friend to are taken.

It seems maintaining that halo and fulfilling your dreams don't mix together.

And your responses...

Post a Comment