7/11/2005
A thousand paper cranes wouldn't make it

First things first. DLSU won by a freakingly comfortable margin against, well, the people from the other side of the city. (Okay, Ateneo.) I didn't expect that we would lead by as much as thirty points and then go on until the fourth quarter, when we led by eighteen. Like, this is our first game. Where is the excitement?

Second, well, I am still freezing like hell. You know what I mean.

But again, I am not that bothered anymore. It's just that I just can't make decent paper cranes (I gave up after the third step) and, together with the anxiety of whatever is supposed to happen today, well... I got myself in a bad mood.

The last few shoutouts I received were from Kizia (but, to Caresse... well, you were the last one), who said it all again (I wonder why she always drops by, tells me something, and I end up feeling really good). It isn't worth stressing over, she said. I realize she was right.

So, what the heck if I didn't get whatever I was expecting to get from her? I told myself nothing actually existed before this, and I shouldn't expect anything to come back to normal because nothing was there in the first place. Get me?

Well, I'm not angry or anything. It's just that I have a lot of things to say.

I will be talking about music therapy on Thursday for English, and I would be talking about all of the songs that I heard on the radio this weekend that freaking applies to my situation right now. My current favorite song, James Blunt's You're Beautiful, is freakingly haunting, and along with his voice comes a message: Henrik, there's nothing wrong between the two of you, it's just you. Another one would be Soapdish's Ewan Ko - same thing. Everything I listened to this weekend is telling me something - like a divine message from above.

It's not worth it, Kizia said. You know... you're right.

I got myself into this mess, and so what if she doesn't respond to my apologies? Jessica (or was it Les?) told me I don't owe anyone an apology. It's all natural. And I thought, it's just me.

I remembered an old text message I received from someone (okay, her). You know - I was apologizing about something else, and I told her I felt guilty about whatever I did. She said, "Guilty about what? Weird..."

You're right. This is something I shouldn't be freaking out about. Besides, they say, there's a lot of fish in the ocean. Who knows... maybe I'll not get myself into this kind of situation in a few years. But I'm looking up to a few people, and it will (and it should) remain just an inspiration.

You know you are one. And I was lying about what I said earlier.

And your responses...

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