9/22/2005
Are you too in love to let it go?

Sorry for the space but this could be one of those posts that would leave me thinking. And probably you too, as well. Oh, and the title doesn't mean anything - I didn't find any place to put that Coldplay lyric.

I remember telling Les a few things when I found out Dian has left the block. "Mawawalan na ako ng kausap," I said, since we had the few politically-related chats since we became seatmates in Politics class. She (err, Les) was quick to say she's there if I need someone to talk to - and a lot of others as well. And yes, that's true - I've been talking to a lot of people lately.

Since the second term began - weirdly - I've talked to far more people than I ever expected, in far more issues, with far more respect. (Seriously.) I don't really know - I just realized I would end up saying the same things all over again - but, considering how intimidated I got last term, this is a huge improvement. Huge improvement. Despite the post where I wrote about everything I've learned the last term, I still come in to school and think, here we go again, don't let yourself get affected by what you see. And yes - I am affected by what I see. Overaffected, in fact. But, thankfully, I got myself over it.

So, for now at least, it doesn't matter if we were conflicting shirts or something - even though I'm not supposed to notice that, anyway, since it feels utterly wrong.

Let's see - if in the previous term, I just chat with the usual people (no offense meant) - Jason, Icka, Kevin, Huey, Ian, Malia and Sudoy - now I talk with far too many people in the weirdest of situations. For example, me and Kizia used to talk only during Art Appreciation class (and only when she has a question to ask); now, we do talk a bit more, even if it's only when we sit beside each other (and in a few other isolated cases) - and it's gone a little bit senseless. Think of this (I'll try to remember as much as I can from that conversation):
me: So, how long are you here in the Philippines?
Kizia: Umm... two years...
me: ...but you were born here?
Kizia: Yah...
me: ...but you spent basically your whole life in... umm... Fremont?
Kizia: Yah...
me: Right...
That's already a feat for me. I mean, I never thought I would handle a conversation as decent as this. But wait - I did have a conversation like this with Les, if only a bit longer. Having that makes me weirdly giddy.

I also thought that I didn't lose contact with much of my friends, despite the sense of alienation I might have had with my blockmates (thinking of Ira right here). Also, the fact that I've been talking to a few more people (like Ariane, Clarence and, yes, Cuyeg's group) gives me a few chills (literally). However, I sometimes still feel like no one is listening to me - like I shouted out to the moon without anyone replying. My overreaction leads to me having a bad day over just that. Well, that was the case before.

I now wonder why I'm amazed - is it because I've long thought I don't have much of a personality? I thought of myself as an extremely boring person who can't cope up with a conversation. Right now, I think I'm the person they go to when they need help - and only that. Yes, I still get those cock-ups once in a while, and I do get in a bad mood still, but right now, with the feeling that people at least would thank you for tiring yourself and spending too much time on something - that's something basically.

Well, now that I've transformed a perfectly good blog to one that didn't make any sense, I have to do some research on globalization - and keep that poster off my head. I don't want to be constantly reminded, really.

Even if, of course, when you think there's nothing to it.

And your responses...

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