9/12/2005
At front first-degree proximity

"It's tough to make a stand in this world where everyone expects you to be cool and in."

It's hard to get used to college once again. Now that our classes are as late as 11.40 in the morning, I actually got restless at home trying to make sense of my schedule. I ate lunch at 09.00 and ended up grabbing a burger at 04.00, before I rushed to PE class. I came in school an hour before classes actually began, complete with a power outage sorrounding Taft Avenue. Thankfully, militant group Piston's efforts to paralyze Metro Manila's transportation system wasn't successful - and, aside from a little protest staged in the center of the Moonwalk area, nothing else was there.

It's also hard to get used to staying at one classroom. Almost all of our classes are at M308, and that means we stay there for around three or four hours studying, chatting and staying outside whenever the ten-minute break begins.

The day began with International Studies class - Professor Marasigan somehow came on really different. I, in the usual middle seat I used to take in Politics class, actually got nervous upon realizing that it is a lot more complicated. However, I am supposed to enjoy these complicated things. The subject, he said, is a dynamic one, and that comes with a book that costs more than a thousand bucks (actually more expensive than my Politics book). I don't know what to feel. It's too early to say something about my new professors.

Our Algebra professor isn't the one listed on our EAFs - he turned out to be a she (for now at least), and despite the seeming love for deducting a lot of points, Professor Hernandez (uhh, Miss Hernandez) seems to be one teacher that will make me love crunching numbers. (Just maybe.) I don't know - I actually feel comfortable, despite the fact that every algebra lesson has escaped my already bulging head.

And, our Rizal professor (read: the country's prehistory upon the context of Jose Rizal's life and works) seems fine as well. And, yes, I like a little bit of adventure. Who will end up performing in our MTV - a proposed project for our finals - would have to do a lot better than, say, Dance-a-Parable in its initial stages.

Then, PE class - it's volleyball, and despite my little happiness over it, I ended up with aching arms and an aching head. The lights must have blinded me - and also the continuous squinting up as I try to perfect that dig pass. I was laughing all the way - I can't seem to get it, despite Kevin doing wonderfully well - and the ball keeps on going to either Icka, Steph or some other girl. Our ball likes girls. It's weirdly funny.

I also can't get used to my attitude once again. Today I somehow got isolated after listening too much to music - but that doesn't mean I'm not being noticed again. I was talking to a lot of people, and I ended up feeling a lot more hyperactive than usual. I spoke too much about the past, and it's funnily wrong! But I was comfortable, despite the high temperatures in our classroom. It's damn hot right there.

"But being who you are will not make you uncool..."

Weirdly today, after a weekend of thinking too much about the people I've been too close with in the past term, I wasn't that freaked out. Although I stood up for myself and moved away from Jom, trying hard not to get squeezed in a permanent Algebra class seating - I don't want to be called a powerhouse - I felt good about everything today. I don't know - everyone has seemed to appreciate me more, after two weirdly boring and confusing weeks. I was gretting too many people I got tired of it. (And I promised Jill a special mention... well, here it is! She hates Hilary Duff, and I, to a lesser extent, do as well. Yet, she deserves an award - and Jill is in charge of the categories, natch! Get me?)

"...rather, it's a chance to make yourself stand out!"

Really. It is one chance. Now that we're in another term - in a day that's pretty rainy and all that - this message couldn't get more significant. But why am I telling you guys this?

Because, in a world with people who's got low (and shattered) self-esteems, this will help. It did spark up my otherwise boring bus trip - and, possibly, every uncertainty I'm having again.

And your responses...

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