11/23/2005
Go back, stop, and move on

It has been two days of random thoughts, regrets and smiles. It has been particularly confusing and disengaging, even. For some reason things have been weirdly something else. For once, I ruin my reputation and lose a perfect adjective for the past days. What then?

I wanted to call this day ice cream day since the ice cream we made yesterday, for Chemistry laboratory class, is ready for consumption. I had my share, yes, and it turned out to be too sweet but just right. Jason put in one whole can of condensed milk, with the justification that it's better to have too much sweetness than too little. Then, I almost had an asthma attack just because of that. I end up taking home one-third of the ice cream, since I was somewhere else when my groupmates claimed it. And I get to have it all by myself.

After that I, yet again, worked around Miss Ara's absence and coordinated more efforts to have the class finish something for English 2. Aside from the forced developments and unnecessarily huge amount of coins accumulated, it did feel like a rushed thing. Even worse, as much as I'd like to keep everybody in, it was another online enrollment day, especially for those who failed a subject here and there (apologies for the description). So I ended up not giving lates away.

Something must be done, and then I did it.

After that, finally, we got to give our take-home essays for Philosophy class, the very thing that kept me, and everybody else, through Monday nights (which, by the way, was marked with Ian not showing up and us losing to a margin as huge as eighteen points). Then the whole class began to make more sense. The report was on theistic existentialism, and the newer thoughts rush in (anyone remember what commitment should you expect from a free person?). As much as I was left clueless about what was coming next, that line. Thought-provoking, once again.

Last night, as I began to fold up with the fact that Anima didn't teach its students either of Jose Rizal's books (and, consequently, harried to read the summaries on this site), I had a chat with Huey, who lately has been somehow catching up with me. I told him about three days ago, and he (somehow) thought I was in love. Again, what words could do.

But in recent days, after the realization that we are indeed going to split up (and Sir Delupio not helping by reminding us we only have around two weeks instead of five), the block, or at least those who cared about the entire thing, began to make things work a little bit more. How much we have linked to each other was amzing - what initially seemed as a block represented by the animals, the bonobos and the drifters have suddenly become a little bit more closer to each other. As for my case, aside from chatting (and grabbing) Clarence here and again, and other things to Malia and Steph, it has been really sad - at least for the quieter parts of my wrecked spirit.

Today, International Studies class came without a hitch, considering that in the pervious class Sir Marasigan asked those who haven't read to get out of the room - and, true enough, only twelve of us were left. As I told Caresse that night, it felt as if we were majoring in International Studies instead of Communication Arts, with a question even I couldn't find anywhere. Today a few more showed up, and last night the panic attack was, for once, on them (as Sudoy said in his Friendster bulletin, nakakatamad), and then the moment the class began it was back to business. No more hotbabe66 jokes, no more of the Marasigan mantra that defined the past weeks - it was, pure and simple, back to business.

My biggest concern then was for the people who were absent. Admittedly I was more pessimistic and thought the "cold war" would go on for weeks on end, and I (seriously) worried for Kizia, Ariane and Ian, who weren't there when the whole thing began, and thus, invariably dragged into the controversy. I mean, Ariane could have taken up the challenge and an additional grade that the twelve of us received (or will). But, as they often say, life is unfair.

And then, to History 1 class, where we deciphered the meaning to the cover of Noli Me Tangere (I wonder where Kim found the whole thing?), and I slowly lamented at the fact that I lack education in that matter. I was seriously tagging along with the conversations of the learned on the matter. And to think I'll be playing Isagani (apparently Ibarra's equivalent in El Filibusterismo) in the music video we'll be doing.

Within those two days, though, there was confusion, uncertainty and (somehow) happiness at the same time. Simply said, I've become too conscious of myself, after Jino's many reminders for me to keep it cool and me finding myself taking the extra mile once again. Again I find myself willing to take the extra mile, despite the absurdity. Whatever - if it makes me happy, then I haven't got any complaints.

At the end of the day, I now end up invariably saddened by the circumstances life has thrown (and splattered) at me. Another Algebra quiz, garbage estimates, interviews, and the prospect of moving to Jakarta for three years make me cringe. A person who's had a hard time adjusting in college must know the hardships he must go through in adjusting between countries. And I was given much lesser time to work with the fact that we'll be splitting up.

As I wait anxiously for 22 December - probably the last time we'll ever get together as a block - I end up thinking I am given no chance to get through. My hopes are not that high either.

Till then, as I invariably made a discussion board out of Kizia's blog, continuously talking with her friend Belette about philosophy and layouts...

And your responses...

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