12/07/2005
Defying the status quo

You think about it this way. Has it been too early for us to get sentimental over things? Maybe it isn't supposed to happen.

The usual Wednesday traffic caused me to arrive in school at the time I used to arrive in. What else if I left at my usual time? That would have been much worse. I was stuck in Baclaran for thirty minutes (which reminds me why Kaymee doesn't want to take the Coastal Road route when she goes home), and I got to the conservatory at 10.40, for the usual Caresse-assistance thing. With her were Les, Steph and Tracy (and later, Toni), cutting up girl magazines for some scrapbook project. As they talked about guys, guys and more guys, Steph decided to torture me (at least that's how I put it) with Cosmopolitan centerfolds. Think of her flashing those almost-naked guy photos at me (like that one where she just said "Niko... Boysen!", referring to the paint can covering stuff up), and me thinking I must be out of place again. (Jokingly, of course).

Les pulled off something as we went up to the classroom. As much as I wouldn't want to dwell on what she said, she indeed had me thinking again.

On the past three weeks: "Panakip mo lang siya."

And I almost thought that was the case, but Caresse almost begged to differ. "Baka naman totoo," she said. But Les was somehow steady with her statement. And maybe she's right. Frustrations aside, maybe it's to fill some gap that went loose somehow, somewhere. But I do know for myself it isn't the case.

Weirdly, however, that thought lingered as class went on. I ended up getting quiet (or is it because of Philadelphia?), and then I was getting weirdly nervous. I was anxious of the day ahead, of how to help Caresse, of how the first draft came out, and of how the album art I was working on would go. (I'm such a worried man.) Despite my attempts to forget - which I successfully did - I was undeniably quiet. My personal fallout with destiny has probably begun.

I finished watching the film with most of the party animals, and then began the most melancholy U-Break of my young college life. Imagine me walking around the school aimlessly (well, I was waiting for the first drafts), talking to a few people here and there, and basically missing a chance at watching the sneak peek at the finished music video we've been working on for years. (Man, whatever that trick they did last Saturday is killing me.) I was literally quiet and bored that time. It's become all-too-steady, I couldn't help but yawn openly.

Then we watched another film (Bayaning Third World, for History 1 class). Aside advertisements for that Rizal-themed body spray ("para di ka mag-amoy Indio" still makes me laugh), I was quieter still.

Or am I denying the noise I made a long time ago?

If there's something I'd like to tell myself today, it's this: what fallout are you talking about?

And your responses...

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