12/20/2005
So, where do we stand?

It's already a given that I wouldn't quite make it to the dean's list this term. Despite five classes with a 4.0 and three with a 3.5 (which is, by the way, much better than I expected), I got a 1.5 in Algebra (I got a 62% in the finals exam) and, my chances for a dean's listing - for another certificate and another free-cut privilege - is gone. For this term, at least.

It was just now when I realized that the terms are, in the words of Miss Hernandez, "independent" of each other. In short, I can still get to the dean's list next term, although by then I could say I worked a lot harder for it. Within the past eight days all I did was relax myself into thinking that I wouldn't really make it to a 2.0 (since it is a pretty long feat) but, at least, I don't have to repeat the class. I can take Statistics class within the next few terms without having anything much hound me. And I did get a 62%, being killed in the other half of the exam (the problem solving part), with a lot of four-point and three-point partials. Well, at least, I don't have to repeat the whole class.

However, I do feel bad for the others who have to repeat the class. I know it is hard for them, and not everybody (obviously) is taking it well. Weirdly, I was going around and making everybody else feel better, at least to the farthest that I can do. I was, weirdly, a bit happy that I survived.

But it still frustrates me a bit, considering I got a 4.0 in English 2, both Chemistry subjects, CWTS and PE, and a 3.5 in International Studies, History 1, and (surprisingly) Philosophy. If I did get a 2.0 in Algebra, I could have had a much higher standing. Even if, somehow, Jason was trying to make me feel bad about not making it a little bit more, I wasn't budging. I was ready to take what I actually deserved, and next time I would try a lot harder to reclaim the unlimited-cut privilege that I barely used in the just-concluded term.

Just-concluded term. Now that sent a chill down my spine.

I gave away three boxes of chocolate oatmeal bars; one to Ariane, one to Huey and one to Jackie. However, Jackie was in Tuguegarao (and I should have remembered that), and the other members of the BonoSoc decided to eat up the twelve-something bars. (I anticipated that everybody else would have some, however.) The day was a bit dragging, especially with a two-hour-plus break between the first two distribution sessions. I ended up spending time with the BonoSoc for a pretty long time, and (without much amazement) it turned out okay. Let's just say I was my usual hyperactive self. Or maybe, too hyperactive for comfort.

I was still shuttling around the campus, however, with English 2 distribution virtually cancelled, and I ended up giving away the course cards. (I still have some with me.) My feet still hurt, like the way it did after two hours of jive last term. I was walking around the whole vicinity even, since for the first time in my college life I had lunch at Estrada Avenue. I had chicken teriyaki at Wok This Way (with the BonoSoc plus a few others) and I paid for bottomless iced tea that I never even finished.

In the end, however, I wasn't going suicidal or anything. My consolation was, I got five 4.0s and I've got to experience such things again. Although medyo nanghinayang yung ibang tao, like Ariane, who perfectly knows how I felt during those classes. Jackie even sent me a text message, thanking me for the oatmeal bars she didn't get to eat and said I would make it good in Algebra.

Am I rubbing it in too much? Just tell me.

In the end, me and Jason left the building after realizing that we are somehow getting hurt with all the (overhyped) anguish about failing Algebra. I walked away, but I still never failed to bid my final farewells, so to speak. "Block," I announced, "bye!" And then I waved at the people who probably didn't see me wave. Jino and Ale did, however. And then I was off again. Back to square three.

I was giving out a lot of things, tangible or otherwise, before I left. I talked to Jom and told him the very things I just said in my term in review post. I'm surprised and happy to see him get a 3.5 in International Studies class. I was shaking the hands of Huey and Ian, and I was fiddling (is that the right term?) with Lau and Ariane. Yes, I was hyperactive, but it was a positive thing, for once.

I left Jason at the South Gate and went straight here. It's hard not blogging for around five days. I have to get used to it again.

So, after six months and surprisingly little fanfare in the block's actual last day as a block, where do we stand?

It still seems a bit surreal, everything. After all of what we've been through, it all boils down to one day, and then we refuse to cry over the block's imminent parting ways. I still haven't cried. I'm still hyperactive, although it's always been me finding out first before anybody else.

I'm cool with everybody else, and finally I can say that it's been a comfortable last few days (except for those little Algebra thoughts). Although it still irritates me at times when my classmates text me about stuff, I've learned to take it as something positive.

I'm a bit comfortable with my thoughts. Last weekend I was squishing a few of them, because I realized it was going nowhere. And then I thought just today, why get hurt with something you're not supposed to be affected about? So, again, thought squished.

And, still, I haven't got any photo with Kizia, the thing I weirdly wished for in this post.

The moment I left Jason, I wasn't feeling much. I wasn't feeling happy that the term's over, but not sad either with the thought that everything, as John said, "isn't the same anymore". Maybe it's because I got myself used with the thought that stuff are changing, and we couldn't do anything about it. As Ariane said, "we've got to do something impulsive once in a while." And, somehow, it also said that we've got to experience things once in a while. Failing is one thing, but face it, a 1.5 in Algebra is a failure in my part. But I've taken it in stride, and as everybody has said, it has become a learning experience. At least I wouldn't have those sleepless nights again. Maybe next term.

And, yes, we'll see each other again. That time will come.

So, as inspirations get squashed (forgive the words but, seriously, I won't see much of her next term) and friendships get tested with distance, it's time that we set off on our own, and as Jason has said, "prove that we can do it". Taking the words of Lauren Laverne, "here I am. What am I going to do now?"

Let's just go and do it so much better than last time. Notwithstanding the dust that literally makes us cry, that is.

So, again, thanks for the support. Thanks for making this person, who's arrived in LPEP basically hanging on to connections and fearing that he wouldn't have much fun in college, realize that he was so wrong. Thanks for making this person (a bit) willing to take risks, accept defeat, and face realities. I know, it was damn hard, but still, in your own little ways I have come out much different than expected. We'll see each other, I know. I know we'll do.

Logging in to Friendster, I realized Ale sent me another testimonial. I'll go quoting again. "Henrik," she said. "Ang pinaka-hyper na taong nakilala ko." Then comes a smirk, from both of us. I was laughing at the thought, and happy at the same time.

Well, it wasn't much about her these two terms anyway, but I think it's something representative. Everything is going well, after all. It's just me who isn't realizing much.

I couldn't thank you more.

And your responses...

Oh well. I also got a 1.5 in ALGEB101, which disappointed a lot of people. Kasi naman, they over-generalize that people from our school are good in Math. Well, a lot of us fail in Math every year! Hahaa. We're the rotten tomatoes hidden beneath the fresh ones I guess. Haha.

Hay, I really envy your block. :(

Kami kasi kanina, pag nagkita, "Uy."
And that's it. Argh.

Good to hear that you got used to the thoughts of change. ;)

I know you can do it Niko.

Happy holidays!

Blogger jeniperr12/20/2005     

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