1/11/2006
Seeing you without sticking it in

Last night was long, and so is today. And probably tonight, as well.

Right now I'm chatting with long lost almost-blockmate Michelle. Turns out she realized before classes that she wanted to take up some other course, so she left before classes could even begin. Suddenly I wonder about what could have happened if she did stay in DLSU. Hmmm. I've been saying that phrase one time too many.

Today, we've successfully completed the first seven-day cycle of the new term. I've currently got blockmates in the swimming pool, blockmates in the classroom, and blockmates probably having a break, like me. It's taken a hard time for us to get used to asking friends about breaks, assignments (yes, it's still possible) and whatnot. And, suddenly, you couldn't relate with anyone. I've seen Clarence and Ariane (again) today and I got pretty hyperactive like the usual. Right now, seeing past blockmates make you feel a bit between heaven and hell (and my apologies for the adjective).

But, since it's Wednesday, it's lunch-break-with-somebody-else day. Today I had lunch with Cuyeg, Jaja and Sudoy, after I finally gave up those chocolate oatmeal bars I was selling. After the usual I don't know what you're talking about thought - which comes packaged with being solo in most of your classes - it was pretty okay. (Like I really have to give out a review of the lunch conversation itself.) It still feels good to see old friends again, especially when the realities of the new term - I mean work, work and more work - set in. I'm beginning to lose sleep, actually. I have to work on a lot of stuff tonight. And, I'm still doing a few favors left and right. Still photocopy boy, after all. At least it's for only three people.

For now, at least.

Probably the only thing that struck a chord today was the realization that it's only a few of us who's striking it out alone for the most time. I gave Jason his Filipino 1 hnadouts and saw, in the classroom, more blockmates than I expected to see. I'm having a serious case of regressing regrets right now. It just seems so surreal, or unreal, to the point that I'm a bit closer to getting dramatically depressed.

But not much about the sadness, but more of the (weirdly optimistic) thought that this is the time when you find out who your real friends are. Maybe this is the time I'll get to reassess stuff. Testing the waters, getting burnt in the processes (if it's boiling, naturally) and doing nothing much for realities' acknowledgment. That line didn't make much sense, but I think I got my point across. Haven't I?

Another thing that struck me was what Jaja told me, after I tried my best to relate to the conversation. "Magka-girlfriend ka na kasi," she said. Then I went quiet.

Okay, so now I'm sending the wrong message across.

So I'm confused as to whether the distance has caused me to long for things I couldn't even reach. Maybe I was expecting too much. Maybe I couldn't snap out of my dreams, the mere fact that the occasional thoughts-cross-my-head thing is bothering me. Maybe it's like that all along.

Distance comes with separation, I said. And I thought it would make wonders for me.

Please, please, don't look at me like that.

And your responses...

Post a Comment