5/20/2006
Sweet dreams are made of these

Pray for the Da Vinci Code attempt. But Clarence has seen it, and so have everybody else, probably.

I don't know - I was gracefully distracted last night from stuff by classic rock on crackling medium wave and conversations jumping from summit videos to trimestral systems to crossing Pedro Gil to, as usual, dreams. Clarence's entry was pretty weird, I guess, that our conversation jumped from what she saw to retention techniques. And then she was off posting stuff on the blog again.

Then again, I feel like I've accomplished something big.

"Paano mo daw ginawa sabi ng kapatid ko. Frames daw ba or table?"

That technique, I guess, should be deemed some sort of illusion.

If happiness is anything elusive than that butterfly I remembered reading years back - "I thought it was the bright, elusive butterfly of lunch" - it's starting to seep through again, at least temporarily. In Clarence's case it seems she stumbled into some discovery I wouldn't have expected to hear from her. In my case, it's something far more different - something I couldn't particularly explain.

Suddenly I remembered what that character said. "I chase the bright, elusive butterfly of love" - until she was interrupted by some frog. It was lunch for that guy.

So, have we begun to attempt doing things again?

School starts on Monday, and I've never had enough questions running through my head. Who else will be my classmates? How hard would Miss Enriquez be? (They say even Jaja struggled.) What would fill the void of the supposed pep rally? How many would be scanning their EAFs? When would SJ Walk be finished?

What else would happen?

Ariane told me during the first term, in that extremely apologetic report that me, Kim, Tracy and Sudoy had for Sister Pinky's class, that I shoudn't ever apologize in such cases when anything and everything, I presume, is ambiguous. That's an escape hatch, in my case, because it seems, almost always, that things are doomed to fail and we couldn't do anything much about it. Then again, someone picks things up - someone, anyone, everyone.

And this may seem out of the blue. Even I felt the urge just at this very moment, but I figured out last night, when the silence is deafening and the reception started to crackle, that what I've been doing, what I've decided to do - it isn't really worth it. I know, I can just "admire from a distance" and yet be cool about it - gosh, this even happened.

I've gone nowhere during the last few days.

All I did was reminisce and hit myself for all the regrets.

But why do I feel so distant? It isn't supposed to be - it's the law of physics at work.

I don't even know what I should be doing right now.

I'm not sure if I should be doing this.

And she might not even be reading anymore.

I couldn't even ask for a reply, because that would be being too demanding, as Ariane told me weeks before.

This is one for whatever there was in me, just to start letting things go.

Kizia? Just felt like saying sorry.

And your responses...

hello. i like the way you write. :)

Anonymous k5/20/2006     

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