6/25/2006
"I promised you I'd listen, right?"

Well, I haven't really got much to say. I am just up at around this time, obviously, fresh from cramming one thing without cramming another - or working on it, for that matter. I somehow didn't feel the need to panic. even if we have to answer three questions for Religion 2 class first thing tomorrow.

In the middle of church service, I didn't notice that Ale had sent me a text message Friday night - I haven't read it, but I haven't erased it either. Of course, I was a bit worried the conversations were too-Kizia too many times - of course, because as Mon said, "give it time, really", and I'm in the starting stretch, obviously - and I mentioned to her (Ale, not Mon, just in case it gets ambiguous) - that I feel that I've talked about her (Kizia - it's really ambiguous this time, isn't it?) too many times to too many people. So, she dropped the line that was some sort of realization.

"And okay lang na siya pag-usapan natin. I promised you I'd listen, right?"

After I somehow dwelled in one of those touching moments, as sentimental songs played on the radio, we were done talking and I was getting started to winning my first (electronic) wrestling match and working on my school requirements as well. I bugged Sara to get to a PC without realizing that I'm done. I bugged Ariane into going online to send me pictures for her layout (which involves, definitely, people staring at me without them intending). I bugged myself into doing nothing in between.

"Are you okay?"

I answered Mon back. "Okay in what sense?"

Obviously, being okay "means anything to anyone". It's another trace of ambiguity.

"Are you okay with how things are turning out in your life?"

I've had something with quotes recently. I'm getting the best of them recently. Oh, joy.

"I guess so, so far."

"And with her? The one you just got over?"

Echoes sound through my head. I think I told Katia last night that I was somehow trying not to talk about her today, or in any way for that matter. Then again, as I told everybody else in some way, it's the only way I could get sense, or at least tendencies to go emo, to my head. (And again I'm implying something else.) I'm happy I'm not having a case of writer's block like last time. Weirdly, I'm partly preventing myself from doing things, but I'm still up trying to type up a decent entry.

I'll rewind for a bit. "Or maybe you just grew up. And realized that there are so many more opportunities."

"Elaborate please?"

"I dunno. You realized a lot. You matured. You have your mind set on other things; other priorities. Maybe in the process, she just didn't fit in the picture anymore."

Bathed in the same feeling I had with Ale earlier, the only difference was I was seated and was getting oily from all the computer screen radiation.

So, for the sake of everybody who suddenly had the urge to really listen - Ariane included, pushing me not to look even if I knew that in the first place and I have to - I'm going to be stuck to bits, and then I'm going to go poof-gone in between now and a year later. Hasn't anybody realized that years fly so fast but seem so long only because we have twelve-page calendars?

So far, I'm stumped. I've lost my entire thought as I listen to chart rundowns.

Right now, though, Nico's opened me a window, wanting to know about the same thing. And yet I obliged to talk.

I'm looking back to the past with fervor. What a surprise - things like this usually become taboo subjects for me. Or, as Mon said, it could be the maturity. Yet I still have to wash my face after I upload my entry.

And now that people are willing to listen - oh, they've long been willing. I'm just too distracted to notice. Gosh, sometimes beautiful people make you feel all the more stupid.

Tomorrow's thirty minutes away, and I'm somehow looking forward to it.

And your responses...

Post a Comment