6/24/2006
Leaving everything behind

Busy. That's how everybody goes about right now.

It's me pretending bacly that there's nothing to do. Or, it could be me doing something terrible. I mentioned to Huey a long time ago that I just started to learn to cram in college, especially because I was such a workaholic in high school I never found time for myself, pretty much. (Ale didn't believe me when I told her that Be[wild]ered was the first night out I ever had. Geez.) That, simply said, led to me having a lot of paranoia issues lately. Maybe I should go see a psychiatrist or something.

But I indeed have a lot to do - posters, exercise rehashes, blog layouts - and yet I still find time to double-click a person's name on Yahoo! Messenger to have a chat. Clarence is online, but I took the liberty to actually ask her whether she's up to something - and she is. Recently Katia and I have not been having conversations, but random exchanges of empty sentences - I guess she's busy as well, with more important things like looking for jobs and dermatologists. Today I decided to chat with Mon, who's been busy with calling me Henrikuh for the past days, if not for school work and BA duties.

At least I had somebody to release my hyperactive mind's thoughts to, even if they're getting all the more uninspired. Her answer was, "don't you ever not think?" - and I ended up getting all the more paranoid. There's always a trigger to everything, I guess.

"Will I ever get over?"

Straightforward answer. "I think you'll get over."

"Will I ever find that requirement?"

Stupid websites - almost all of them - decide that information from the last decade of the last century wouldn't be of any use, so they ditch them. Now I couldn't find anything for the country's GNP from the years 1996-2000, and we had to look for them again because Sir Raymundo noticed we had missing dates. (I thought it would suffice, seriously.) So, back to the twitching board, I guess.

"Would I get in [the] majors?"

Another straightforward answer. "I hope you get into majors."

"What do people think of my [status picture]?"

Since I had that picture with Sars, on the day she wore brown and I wore red - and I still remembered that? - I took the liberty of taking the picture to the image editor, cropping it to a square, and made it my status picture (or avatar, if that's more correct). So far, only Jason and Nico have picked the photo out of everybody else's and asked questions like, "you've got a crush on her?" - and Jason even had this pretty nasty statement, but he was quick to apologize.

Well, I find that photo really cute, even if I look pretty bad - oh, that's pretty equivalent to saying that Sars is cute, now? - simply because every photo with me and a girl in it turns out bad because I find the need to cuddle and I end up looking like Quasimodo. You got something against it?

Still another straightforward answer. "I think your display image is gorgeous."

Yes, another synonym.

"What do they think I intend to say?"

Silence. If my recent actions are a basis then I could've sent out the wrong feelers. Something like "you're jealous" or "you're tired" or "you're having a crush on someone" - exactly what Nico speculated last night. Well, I couldn't blame them. Maybe they're watching out for my future actions, or my future entries (because they like it, naturally) or something else. Maybe somebody to laugh at?

Conclusion: "You do get paranoid over a lot of things."

Katia just got back from "boyfriend time" - couldn't blame her, he's in China, I guess - and Clarence hasn't been back from GMG duty, which I also couldn't blame her for. I guess I should be working on what I'm supposed to work on, for I've had enough of cramming, or staying up late. Lately I've been doing nothing but listen to the radio and realize the lyrics to 241 applies much more than before.

Yeah, I've been doing much thinking, but I guess everything I've thought of haven't ever thought of me back.

And your responses...

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