7/06/2006
Storm and stress

So I'll admit it. There's this one girl in speech class that always - always - grabs my attention. I remember telling Huey one day why the song that goes there's always something there to remind me plays in my head every time Computer class ends and I drag myself to either M315, that freezer, or to M407. I'm not exactly anticipating her arrival, though. I've mentioned the term insignificant bleep one time too many, and I guess this time I'm content with having her as one of those "casual crushes", as Jason called it.

Then again, there's been the recent wave of - yes, shudder at the mention of this - uninspiration. I've mentioned that term one time too many as well - on the blog, I could just lose my fingers counting direct mentions or implications.

I've been riding the bus home with Charmaine, a classmate from last term, for two days straight now. I didn't even expect her to live in the Las PiƱas area until she came into the freezing bus yesterday and we talked about everything. Oh, and if you don't remember her, or refuse to remember her, she's the ID 104 girl who's been ceremoniouslt delayed, and is responsible for, among all things, tying that ribbon that made the book and the rose make more sense. Simply said, she knows almost everything as well, and she bothered to ask me in a juncture in my life when all I wanted to do was sleep when I get home. Of course, it didn't help. I've been seeing too many signs during this week.

Today, though, I decided to be a bit rude and take a nap in the bus, while she worried about getting home tomorrow. She escaped some meeting, and I just finished working out that bulletin board that could compete with what Nadia once touted as "manual labor" Meh did for the HOP display weeks back. Meticulous, yet the wind was our enemy and flew away one name from the FAST 2003 list.

I feel stumped recently. I mean, I've been uninspired - enough of that - to the point that I couldn't think straight. I don't remember who's been receiving that apology last night, but I'm sure I did say it. I was up until early this morning, just chatting with Issa about a million indie British bands again, making sense of atmospheric sounds and dance-rock. When Anna texted me early tonight to actually apologize for being "out of it" - apparently initiatives - I found myself in a surprise receiving end. So I'll admit it: seeing her sparks my day up, for some reason, but not the reasons you guys would probably think. Tonight was one of those rare moments when you realize you've taken the initiative to make someone happy, and it sure made me feel good, if not a bit bewildered.

One of the persuasive speakers in speech class today - coincidentally, a close friend of girl-mentioned-first - was talking about how love was, apparently, "just a phase for teenagers", because we apparently have immature minds that wouldn't understand what's exactly in it. We're there for the company and not for what we feel. As usual, I wasn't listening, preferring instead to listen to psychology major Airra's explanations on things, like the one about that hormone that makes our stomachs feel warm. I guess everyone's immature because we associate that warm feeling with love.

Oh, stupid excuses for things. It's only because we don't have an explanation for everything - only speculations, if not fabrications.

Everything has somehow been a huge coincidence. I've been very fickle-minded lately - that thing also mentioned on that speech which, by the way, failed to convince me - I'm happy one bit and drowsy the next. Drowsy, not depressed, but my body's affected enough by the stress and the distance everybody sends out I couldn't distinguish the two. It's obvious this week is one of those weeks when everybody drops what they usually do because something else more important comes up, and for me who surprisingly hasn't felt yet the stress caused by back-and-forth deadlines, it means less company, more boredom, a smaller supply of ideas.

And again, I've gone everywhere and nowhere, but not where I wanted to go.

So, seven weeks after classes began, I'm still trying my hardest to go through things. I bet I should've believed Mon when she said it takes a year, even more, to leave everything behind. I lately realized it did take me a year and forced contact to do so. Maybe this would be easy, only this time it wasn't infatuation, but the subject of probably every other discussion I've started with everybody since heaven knows when. I even had to pull out that line I typed down on my mobile yesterday afternoon, because it didn't fit, and it shouldn't ever be published.

Somebody explain it to me - is it the distance, or the stress?

I think I just told Clarence that she's not in my mind. She may be, but I know I'm definitely missing other people.

And your responses...

Post a Comment