9/08/2006
Almost-midnight sleepers

Three days. I can hear my heart beat. For some reason I started to not look forward to school, because three weeks - heck, three weeks is long enough for rest, but students like us need more. Change that - make it want more. It never seems enough, and it never will be.

In the remaining three days, I've at least done one thing - Ariane's layout. Surprisingly it took me three hours to do it - or, maybe it's because it's less complicated that Clarence's layout, which took five months to finish, including the initial conversations. (To be honest, though, Ariane asked me for a layout at the start of the year, which makes development time nine months. Similarities abound - crammers unite!)

And, as usual, I've been sleeping at midnight. Now this isn't correct, simply because at this point in the term break I'm supposed to be adjusting my body clock to wake up at 05.15, and not 07.30 like I did today! Then again, I always tend to do this until Sunday, where I try hard to sleep without success. At least I get trained to rely on my mobile's alarm clock, which I've been doing for most of the last term. Think about it, though, I ought to be getting used to not getting sleep.

At least I have, apparently, some way to fall asleep (and ironically get disturbed by my mobile vibrating to tell me I received a reply). Of course, it's Issa, she who tends to sleep late in the afternoon - the way it's been for me as well - and we text nonsense until she begs off and goes to sleep.

Last night she somehow pointed out that I, surprisingly, don't seem excited for Monday, despite me telling her that I am. (And now I'm not.) Simply said, we exchange stuff; she gives the jokes and I give the secrets. It's always been like that. Every night.

Then I suddenly remembered Clarence. There was this time - all too memorable, really - when she was on the other end of the line, and we've been exchanging drama bits during the night. I guess the reason why I just started to stop bugging her was either because I knew she was busy, or I felt like giving her some respect. Somehow the drama faucets have run dry - either we've just given up, became happy, or preferred to suffer in silence. Whichever case, I don't understand - is it uncomfortable lately?

And yes, there'll be a time when I realize that I shouldn't be bugging Issa every night, when she's in the middle of playing the guitar (or the air guitar) or doing some marketing profile. Somehow, however, it's been the opposite, and despite the headache she's been having recently I persist on sending that message, telling her about swooning in the middle of the night while trying to keep secrets. And then she'll beg off, and I don't feel any different. I just go to sleep - or try to go to sleep - and think of what's been exchanged. Radio's turned off, and I doze off.

Conversations, admittedly, have been the only thing that keeps me going during the past three weeks. Without anything spectacular to rely on to make the vacation any special - like LTTS for the GMG people, or the trip home for those living in dormitories for most of the year - it's been normal for me to just let my thoughts flow, silently get tortured, and get them out as soon as possible. What makes this term break different is the fact that I've had people to talk to, and they seemed available at the least.

Then again, there'll be the time when the drift ensues and I couldn't do anything but silently weep for the people that suddenly seem so distant. Either I can't do anything, or they can't. Or they don't care.

Icka said somewhere, however, that nothing would happen if I don't do anything about it.

When I sleep tonight - or early tomorrow morning, and the case seems to be - maybe I'd send Issa one text message, and let things flow. And maybe I would text Clarence, just to let her know that we've had the need to catch up. Ironically, it wouldn't matter in the end. I know, two people have tagged about missing me, and I'm missing them back, as well as everybody else - and our priorities have changed.

Distance? I freaked out two terms ago about it. In the coming term we've never been physically closer, but deep inside you'll suddenly feel the huge gap.

Maybe I shouldn't sleep this afternoon so that I could sleep early today.

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