9/23/2006
Static electricity

A huge distraction has gotten inside me throughout the past two days. Uncertainty.

And no, it's not because of anything emotionally-related. Somehow things aren't, well, happening the way they are supposed to happen. Thursday's research class didn't push through, all too ceremoniously - I got to the second floor, waited a bit, and realized that the door to M208 is still locked just as Y2K told me somebody told them there wasn't a class. So, congratulate me for pushing my record further - six hours and forty minutes. But that isn't really a break, though. It's just a really huge gap between campus arrival and class start, one that Derek already set long ago.

And John - I can't blame him, but we can't seem to start our trip to the People's Journal offices. Today he's just finished his shoot for photography class, and tomorrow he's off to the ABS-CBN studio tour. And Sir Mariano isn't telling anybody whether the data we collect about the newspaper is due on the next meeting, which, on our case, falls this Monday.

Because of that, I've become very absentminded lately. After doing a lot of research on living in the 1930s for broadcasting class, I went into the room and quickly realized I haven't prepared at all for the index card that would be our lifeline in that class. Luckily, Karla had the card and Sars (San Juan, take note) had the starch paste, and Sir del Mundo came in just as I finished my writing.

And today, I'm simply sleepy. It wasn't what I did, but I can't sleep because I'm simply anxious about what else I could've done wrong. What if there was class that Thursday? My paranoia starts to set in, and right now I could only shriek at the possibilities.

On the other hand, Friday was weirdly slow, if not boring. I felt like I spent too much idle time, and although I spent most of it on research, I feel I haven't got anything done. I ended up going home with Marcia again, on a day when traffic seemed extraordinarily fast - which was okay considering that you can get home quickly - but too fast to make you lose sleep, not to mention the back seat of the bus we took had really hard backs.

Ironically, we've just ended the second week of classes.

Even more ironically, I can't complain further. I spent Thursday afternoon nursing a headache. I spent Friday fighting the cold. I spent the past few days observing whether I'd buckle, but nothing is still provided. And, quite honestly, I don't get it.

I'm not exactly feeling any disconnection. In fact, the inevitable happened again - since we bump into each other in almost every class, we'll end up doing many things together. The Animo Canteen has been a usual dropping spot - I'm pretty much following the BonoSoc everywhere, for some reason - and I've spent more money for Mongolian rice bowls, thanks to Les telling me about it. I've also been spending more money on others - just again I treated Sara to seven bucks' worth of yema. One more thing - I've spent time downloading MP3s that Issa sends me, and more time downloading it again whenever either of us gets disconnected. Imagine me mouthing the lyrics to Falling Away With You because it apparently fits me. My lifestyle's slowly changing thanks to a lot of free time - and I'm not sure if I should like it.

I seem to love contradicting myself. And, quite frankly, I don't get it at all.

I've been smirking at the fact that people have given me new names - of course, Mon still calls me Henrikuh, and Mirielle somehow started to call me coffee beans. And the BonoSoc - Lau and Jaja, especially - seem to have loved calling me Henrikaye after hearing my story about how I got my name. I suggest that you call me whatever you want - and don't change it, for it all adds up to the confusing sense of eternal loss.

I've always kept saying Issa that I'm lost, like she has never been lost at all.

Even funnier, what I thought would take a hold on me - confusingly, that remains unidentified, or unsure - isn't. Talk about a reprieve of some sort. Maybe I need more of that - but not in the way you want it, please.

Lost? Yeah. I know. I'm sorry.

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