9/25/2006
That surprising insignificance

One hundred tickets. If I don't sell them all, I'd probably end up paying for the remainder anyway. It's similar to what Charmaine and Trixia were up to - I don't know if they ended up paying but those tickets to the TeamComm party last Saturday, that was the same deal. They pay (at least for five, not for everything - those cost P250 or something) for the remainder.

And I know, that's what Huey's been telling us. I didn't buy tickets, anticipating exactly this to happen. Jaja would then text me in the middle of the jeepney ride. I'm to pick up the tickets tomorrow. Then again, I'm confused as to who I get the tickets from.

It's somewhat inevitable when you arrive in this stage, that despite honestly not liking the outcome, you end up taking it and transforming it into something wholesome, something efficient, something that would actually work. It's felt different recently. I've been disturbing people, yes, and I'm aware of that. I've been opening it up, but not to new people.

And then again, I went to school and realized that something was missing and I wasn't looking for it.

And no, I'm not going to write about the benefits of not expecting anything at all, or maybe even getting used to the lack of, say, a stimulus. I'm actually forcing myself to write something today: for the sake of keeping myself at a manageable level I'd rather say nonsense and have people laugh along than not make any sense at all. I perfectly know, though, that the things I want to say today are fairly serious in their own right. I just can't seem to make something out of it - maybe I'm just tired of talking about the same things.

I've caught myself becoming redundant. Or maybe it's because I feared writing about these things?

Not that I've moved on. I actually preferred not to move on, but maybe just learn to live with it. Somehow the difference is that it isn't a struggle like last time, simply because things are just different. And, yes, I still end up being sad for a few patches (which means what I told Nadia last week was a little lie after all), which leads me to this.

It was that long, and as much as I don't want to observe this - I might put things in jeopardy, after all - it wasn't anything spectacular.

Then again, Mon said something about shifting priorities way back. I guess I learned to embrace the things I should be really paying attention to, not to some little factor that somehow makes up the chunk of my walking life. I know, it's going to work better that way. Don't get me wrong - there's no animosity - this is just an observation, after all. Maybe I've spent enough time thinking about things. I just have to get used to it all over again.

Besides, when I, for some weird circumstance, decide to bite the hook and do something about it, I'd realize she wouldn't have the time for me anyway. It's better this way, I think. And, again, you've all got me wrong.

And your responses...

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