10/27/2006
Birthdays

The moment I got the invitation for Jenn's debut, I had another costume dilemma. I barely got through Jackie's debut with a necktie that my parents doubted, but somehow I survived and even got tagged as a rock star (by Jason, definitely). The theme was vintage semi-formal - and as much as I wanted to rely on my father once again, I doubt whether we have striped polos. Then again, I could go for those polka dots, but it's suicide if I do so.

But polka dots are blemishes! I mean, some people call your pimply marks as polka dots in your face - if you think about that advertisement for some facial product, with that artist who signs autographs by drawing her face, remaining truthful, and accounting for everything, then that's it. Like a big bruise in your arm, a scratch in your watch, or a glimmer in your eye.

Somehow I was trying to catch myself sporting that glimmer the entire day. I wasn't really expecting something, but if only for idle time I decided to see whether something extraordinary would happen to me when something comes up. Last night, when I told Mon about everything I thought I was hiding, she mentioned about what gave it all away. And, just as I expected - that glimmer in my eyes.

I know it's supposed to come up today, unless something weird happens and it doesn't happen. The difference, though, was that I didn't mind. All the while the glimmer crossed my mind, but not what I thought the cause of the glimmer was. I was distracted, forgetting, not minding - well, sort of, but I wasn't not concerned or anything.

My day was like any other day, except probably for me meeting Ranice at KFC rather than at J109's door. I was intent on taking a picture of her, just to have some image attached to her phonebook entry, like I wanted everybody else to have. Her hair - an illusion of some sort, since it wasn't really long - stayed in place as she left for her class. I somehow pushed her and hugged her - something I haven't done in a long time, and somehow I missed it. We've been too busy, and irritated oftentimes, I guess. I guess I'm lucky she was okay with it.

I think we've all been irritated lately. I've not been thinking straight, and suddenly people are either hostile or polite, except when your chosen to get something else. That's where my luck runs out.

Somehow during the past few days I've been thinking about fallouts again. Nothing much about paranoia, more than the thought of that happening to somebody else. I know, personally it hurts to see two people you've seen so close just snap all connections and refuse to believe they knew each other. And it's even weirder when you see all the mentions come out, all the intentions for things to become better, but it wouldn't.

And whether the new one's nothing but an elaborate cover-up to compensate for the old one, and whether it could mean another fallout when I decide to unwrap everything - that's what I thought of.

"Kasi comfy ka na eh," Mon said last night. That was probably why it didn't matter at all, why those fallout thoughts went out of the window faster than my alarm could ring. In fact, I thought myself that I learned a lot of things with that year-long rendezvous with what I felt towards Kizia, and, as I told Mon last night, I badly wanted to thank her, but just can't. Sometimes, you know, blessings come from the most unexpected places. And, if you'd come and think about it, that was all the caring she had to do - and it mattered.

We crossed paths today - well, not really, but suffice it to say that I saw her walking around. Kizia was yet to arrive, and I was going back to the water fountain for so many times. I thought the glimmer would come up, but it didn't. Turns out I was looking for the wrong thing all along.

That glimmer? It's what you feel when your heart decides to skip a beat.

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