Today I had my first job interview, and the bad thing is the guy from Toyota Philippines sensed that I was really, really tense. Well, he proceeded to give me another schedule with my immediate superior - for ABS-CBN.
Yeah, that was just a mock job interview, and Sir Patrick, promising to let the few who dare go through a simulated job interview feel how it really feels, delivered. Not a handful of us buckled, but thankfully it was a mock interview - the only time we are allowed to make mistakes, since when we really get down to business the interviewers would grill us until we become cancerous - and so we had more than a handful of time-outs to explain what things mean. As for me, my seat was far away, and suddenly he pulled out a trick companies commonly use: the chair.
Then he'd proceed to figure out that since I didn't offer to push my chair forward, I was unassertive. That was freaky - yet it is oh so true.
The disadvantage to this is, despite the explanations, people began to resort to anything textbook. Maita came after me and asked to push the seat forward - wait, we carried it forward - before she had me rolling my eyes when she pulled out, to Sir Patrick's surprise, her actual CGPA. (If you only know, she was one of the few people who got a 4.0 under Sir Puno, and yet, if I'd dare to say so, she's as crazy as Lau in places.) Obviously everybody ended up being impressed, and I wouldn't blame her for it, but still - nothing aginst her, but it's everybody's tendency to go textbook. Would she push the chair if nobody pointed it out?
Wait, do I sound all-too-bitter?
Well, not really. I know, I know, we'll all be slaves to somebody in the long run. Assertiveness is one value I never got around to learning; on another side of the argument, though, you can call that adaptiveness, the willingness to work under different conditions. Then again, I'm not like that as well. Today I can't help but remember Nico's give-me-a-firm-handshake lesson, when it somehow got recreated. Besides, we're being taught to be competitive in the career market - if they'd be willing to take us, which is the very reason for it.
I think I've argued forever about not being a conformist, although situations mean it's got to happen at one point, although obviously not blindly. It's irritating sometimes, though, when your demographic gets boxed into a certain stereotype. Idealistically you'd want everybody to respect everybody else; realistically they do, but they think in pipes. We always have to live in presumptions, and of course, who's happy?
Last Monday Jaja asked me whether I could go to the LYC's little literal Saturday night-Sunday morning thing at LSGH. Not again, I thought. Another party? Well technically it isn't, but who else would go but those who always have free nights, lenient parents and a seemingly longer day? I gladly turned down, saying that she mentioned it a week too late, then we proceeded to the SC meeting, where I saw her consume some of the chocolate we surprised her previously.
Although I'm comfortable in places, there's still no denying such things can (and do) drag me down. I guess it's the culture, the essemce of conformity killing the be-yourself-or-die trend some try hard to set. Then again, that trend has become so cool (and so prevalent) nowadays it's becoming different if you stick to the past.
They'd hate you for that, however - that's what they call a plastic celebrity. And, being different is suddenly the hardest thing to define.
I needlessly settled into another depression pang during the past week. It wasn't a spoken thing as much as it was many thoughts mixed in by stress; indeed I started to wonder whether school has made me less of a cheerful fellow, as Icka thought. On another point, I'm getting too affected recently, and surprisingly I even decided to spend that five-hour break alone, and I don't know if I'm managing well. At one point Les told me to "handle [my] mood swings better", and somehow reading too much made me think I'm not doing any positive reinforcement. In short, no good change.
Then again, change is a conformist's tool, and however much they want to flip it around, that's still it. A comformist's most trusted tool.
Then again, Les also thinks I'm looking at things the wrong way.
Defiance is still everybody's best friend - and worst enemy. On one side, you've got a box, and on another, you've got all that you wanted. And then there are the surprises.
I'll be quick to say that somehow my mood swung back to positive territory since yesterday, although I still am sleepy in places and I can't get to think straight at most points. Yesterday I got pretty surprised when me and John somehow persuaded BBC World's Rico Hizon to drop by our broadcasting class and give an impromptu talk on his job, and somehow there was this worldly sense of I've-done-wonders I don't even get. Go figure. Again I can't explain myself.
It's half past nine, and somehow I realized not everybody has decided to go into that box and stay awake until six in the morning, but that's a very wrong comparison - unfair, really.
Then again, I couldn't think straight. All my thoughts have been thrown out of the window, and I've contemplated too much about who I thought would hang on to my thoughts in the next few months. Turns out a text message will do it, but not exactly like last time.
Still, I swoon. Oh, the heck, I did think about it once and answered no.