4/27/2007
This or something better

The lack of emotional overhauls during the summer makes my fingers pointless. There's nobody to point, and there's no sense in what I'm typing right now. Maybe you could say I've been powered, hopelessly, by plot twists left and right for the past few days, and true enough, maybe you're right about the exaggeration part.

The temperature's been helplessly high these past few days. Already we've recorded deaths off heatstrokes, and sooner than we know we're bound to surpass forty degrees. Another exaggeration, I know, but it's gone to thirty-nine degrees where Jaja is, so I guess it makes sense when the water bills run high and the pools are full. But I never liked swimming, despite the lessons, and only because I know I'm foolish enough to just waddle along and look like a kid. So, a bored me just sits in front of the PC in the afternoon and lies down on a warm bed at night, listening to the radio and self-destructing in the process.

It hits me that school starts in a little over three weeks, and I'm actually not thinking of anything else. I'm not worrying either, save for a lack of equipment still, and a bigger lack of survival skills. I've tossed aside enjoy as a dictionary term and decided to go uselessly pessimistic, eventually realizing that taking videos is much more fun than taking photos, even if I'm running on dial-up and all and I can't possibly show off anything. (And if the number of adverbs are to come by, I'm just really incoherent lately.)

Maybe I just need another emotional overhaul. Do I?

I don't know. True, lessons are learned, but lately it's been quite the blah side of lovely and I've been doing nothing but flirt with disaster and do something far more substantial. But why everybody else seems happier than me, I don't know - take note, happier than me is miles different that happy unlike me - and nothing happens, save for the little promises. Maybe it's me not particularly caring about the things around me, as to why they've got substance on the holidays while I lie down and worry about getting a job. I worry a lot, I know. It's like getting run over and realizing that nothing's really significant when it comes to what they think.

The "they never think about you" adage is apparently true. While friendship is key to everything, we never get concerned. All we think of is how we look good, and that happens in every consolation, in every try to succeed...

...or maybe, all I wanted to ask is, why does it sound weird when people say "I love you" to each other?

At this point in the entry, despite all the incoherent ramblings I've apparently done, I realize that emotional overhauls aren't really fun things to play with, and only I have been able to make sure that they're a major part of my life, however insignificant they may be. If it's a yearn for someone to look after, then maybe I've grown too old for being alone. I need a cuddle. Terribly.

Or maybe I need to sleep.

And your responses...

i think i'd still like someone to take care of me/to take care of, and while i admit the feeling is nice, it's not permanent, and eventually you'd grow tired of each other.

learn to depend on yourself and on God only; it goes a long way, and eventually other people might depend on you too :P

i'm a useless romantic, but it's not obvious. because that part of him is deep in my subsconscious, and common sense Chinese-style dictates an entirely different thing.

friendship is all for convenience in the end, i think. while you make friends because you think you really like them for who you are, thirty years later, you'll be grateful you made friends with them for the connections.

i've said 'i love you' to a person i thought didn't mean much, but that person is very much an important part of me now~

Anonymous stef4/27/2007     

*for who they are now,

typo, silly me :D

Anonymous stef4/27/2007     

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