5/09/2007
All the stupid things you do for love

I was toiling through all the old conversations I had with Ranice. It's no secret that our conversations have been one of the more thought-provoking I ever got tangled in - and even more surprising is why I'm even in the other end - but nevertheless it's provided, somehow, enough material to ponder upon. Oh, all the stupid things people do for love.

Sure, the lives of those around me aren't strangers to the love bug. I guess it doesn't need explanation - everything from impulsive conversations to well-written plans to, surprisingly, a grab in the neck eventually smothered with regret. And I, as always, don't understand why we simply get blinded and then do as our heart wishes. Scientists probably still have never got this figured out. And so do I, mere mortal.

I'm no stranger to all of this. I know I've fluttered around for at least two stages in my life - one eternally speculated, the other questionably factual - and yet surprisingly you don't notice what you've done until it's all over. I'm reading old conversations and even older blog entries, and I only chuckle at either what others have done (and has been confided in me) or what I have asked. Sometimes I'm lucky enough to observe these occurrences first-hand, and I don't mind all of a sudden, however ridiculous it may seem. Maybe we've been scrubbed clean.

And of course, there are success stories. There always will be. The bouquet gets two people together, and after some much-plugged event, and eventually lunch (which isn't free, as always), you'll hear that song in the background. There are two less lonely people in the world tries to make its way into your subconscious, and if you're like me, you'll say, subtract another one for that guy's committed suicide. Just stop it, honey, it ain't working. But the sad stories are the ones that always get magnified, even on the television. Guess what makes a bigger splash? Not whispers in some unreal house - it's a fairy-tale separation. And it takes one to speculate how it all happened.

Does anyone ever realize that whatever we do doesn't make any sense, eventually? Life becomes hellish once you get your goal. You get someone with good teeth and a flawless face, and then you split up because, as everybody has already said, it isn't working anymore. We've got to cool off. I need space. I miss my life before you. And it all goes downhill. So maybe that's why we never realize how stupid we become once we decide to pursue the one we love - it's a natural thing. Natural selection dictates we live that way. It helps us move on.

So maybe having records of everything we've done isn't helping anyhow. But of course, I merely laugh at thinking about me grabbing someone's neck, but you still realize how stupid you've been. It's not the proudest moment of my life, you'd probably say. But it can have different results. Either it gets you the one you love, or it gets you far away. I remember one of my teachers saying something about relationships, and eventually once someone steps into the barrier of intimacy - sex is off-topic, but this applies - either everything goes well, or everything falls under the weight of everyone's collective efforts.

I've been an emotional wreck for so many times already, and I figured I don't really need to undergo this process again. I know. I remember seeing another pair slumped across the door to the dark room and I knew my heart sank to the depths of the underworld. Maybe you don't really have to remember, right? How much you've enthused for that someone's presence. You just want that person badly, don't you? Twirl with me, honey. We'll never stop dancing.

And your responses...

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