5/11/2007
Same as it ever was

Tick tock goes the clock. There was another power interruption. The second for the week. And both happened during the night, just as I was trying to fall asleep. At least this time power went back faster than anyone could decide to dial 16211 on the telephone, but damn, this summer's killing me. It's boring, and it's hot.

By this time everybody else that I know probably have the same sentiments: school is coming near. And, if you're taking up the same course as me, it all means stress for you. (Although, hey, I won't forget our brothers and sisters taking up one of the hundreds of other programs in DLSU, because they too have their own problems to think of.) It's no secret - why should it be? - that I'm going to handle video cameras after getting a 2.5 handling an SLR. Along with that, the entire CAM populace, at least those in my batch, are going to handle television cameras and deal with endless concepts with every image possible, which means there's no way we're getting rid of our SLRs yet. If you're taking up the regular LIA program like me, this year could be the very last, although there isn't any guarantee that we'll all breeze through the thesis process. We might need a few pimple treatments for that.

By this time, also, everybody else that I know definitely have the same sentiments: damn, school is coming near? Unbelievable! And only because we're all lounging at this point - although I don't know how we'd be doing it under a sun that seems to be bent on taking revenge for portraying it as prematurely dying - and we don't want this to end. Then again, we're all bored, which is perfectly evident in the number of people that have been cross-exchanging me-mes on my Multiply bulletin board. This is when we don't get to assess our priorities straight, or maybe we've just had too much stress and the feeling that we haven't recouped anything yet.

This morning particularly sucked for me. Our cable service was moving channels around for the nth time this year, and so the channels I was supposed to watch - starting with, yes, Anderson Cooper 360° - were either without sound or without anything at all. As I lied down and heard the clock ticking again, while rereading year-old magazines, it finally hit me. Damn, school is coming near? Unbelievable! What makes it more exasperating for me is that my sister's also coming along for the ride, and I've been living like I own the world for the past two years now. Now, I find myself (irritatingly) obliged to be with my sister when we go home! I'm silently wishing she learns to go home by herself so that I could go back to being busy. Then again, I never get anything I want. That's why I'm seated in front of this PC rather than being, well, busy.

If this all means meeting up with the people you've missed sorts, then maybe it's a good thing after all. Sharing stresses with friends - if they exist - must be a good way to make things work, especially when you realize you're going to fight the same people with editing bay slots and everything else which render friendships senseless. You've made me feel bad about my life suddenly, darn it - clump around shooting, and you've no contacts. And the environment's different again. Where have you all been?

Somehow, I'm neither excited nor terrified of the thought that my third year in college is coming near. Gone are the times when you look up to, maybe, your cousins who are already entering their third year in college - the term thesis is just a mumble back then - and you think of their stature. "Wow, si kuya, matanda na," you'd probably say. My frame of mind back then revolved in how people's lives should work out: elementary, secondary, tertiary, courtship, marriage. Every single day, however, you see your childhood environment bust open by every subculture that decides to attack. It happened with steady relationships. It happened with sexual relationships. It happened with gender preferences. It happened with trust (of the ethereal kind, naturally). Next thing you know, your lessons in school are making things more complicated, and you don't know what really is true.

I've also been reading some entrepreneurial book lying around the fragmented family library, reading up on how the country's biggest companies came to be. It's funny to think everybody says they have the definitive somethings to something, and yet you try them out and nothing good happens. I've become so wary of things precisely because of that. You fail to act because you're fearful of past mistakes and future backfires, and eventually he's swooped her away from you - have I watched a love story too many? - until you cry. I know. I've made those mistakes so many times, and people laugh at me for different reasons.

So, eventually, a third year in college becomes useless. The rules of the game - whatever game you choose to play - changes constantly. See why they've replaced user manuals with wikis? Constancy is no longer a viable concept; it merely is made for poetry now. I wonder what difference Sir Groyon's sabbatical leave makes for our video production classes, but maybe things aren't so certain after all. As the clock continues to tick on me, and eventually later as I sleep to the same old medium wave signals, I wonder whether speculating on whether I'll fail a class, or fall in love, or maybe finally snatch that girl, is all worth it. By the time I'm through, though, I'm probably too tired to contemplate on past mistakes and deal with present challenges. Maybe you wonder whether life is worth the fuss, after all.

And your responses...

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