6/24/2007
But for crying out loud, please!

And since you happened to be frigging specific about it, I cannot fall asleep. Or am I just that deprived?

But then again, there are so many things people fail to notice. Sure, we live in a superficial society. I got passed over for my student DJ auditions because I don't look so good. I got edged out of who becomes my closest friends because they think I'm such a loser. But I'm lucky, for there are people out there who willingly embrace me for a lack of an interior motive, and there are people out there who find themselves conforming as I conform to them.

Celine is such a talker. I mean, last Friday she was talking about all these things in the relationship she is currently in. Ariane, Jill, Jem and I were somewhat mesmerized, but for a person like me who's excessively clueless about relationship particulars - and yes, I've given advice for such topics far too many times to be called an expert - the clincher was Celine's short description. "You've gotta compromise," she said.

No wonder the stories she was telling seemed so similar to a fairy tale. It's like the television shows kids watch - every conflict is solved and we end up dancing to a stupid theme tune. And I hated watching those, eventually because they became repetitive, but we all grew up thinking that's how it all ended. And for me, compromise became a stupid concept, because everybody refused to compromise when that was my only option.

And for those who are able to do so, I tip my hats to you. This, again, is a superficial world, and people judge on the basis of how long your hair gets or how bitchy you are with fellow photographers. How you do it becomes a subject of amazement - indeed, you've got to have, at least in the Filipino tradition, the thing they call "busilak na puso", and in my point of view this doesn't exist. Or maybe I've been trampled on by the people I aspire to be with for months, or maybe years, on end - every single frigging time.

Anyway, compromise takes being open to each other. Besides, you cannot look for a hole without seeing the entire picture. Stop the exploitation, and we've got utopia. We've got this perfect world where we deny the world wars happened, and instead, we uphold "world peace talks" which are far more effective at, say, combating the growing North Korea threat. (But that's what the West wants us to think.) I don't know about Celine, or maybe everybody else - who else has a good relationship? I'm sure they're not selfish or anything. Love couldn't take you anywhere, except if that's the motor of your ship, and yet that's definitely going to buckle.

So, maybe that's why you were soooo open to the prospect of people imagining you in ways you probably cared about? Unimaginable? Oh, but that's so you, anyway. At least. I was walking in unknown territory and there you were, talking about something I probably wouldn't. But blame my conservative upbringing, because after all, that's why I learned to hate those children's shows, and everything else that has, as our lessons put it, conventions to follow. I have tried to keep my eyes open, and in fact toothpicks keep them open at this point. But maybe I have to take them off, because I just couldn't stop imagining. If only you weren't so frigging specific about it.

Sad there's no chance for a compromise.

And your responses...

and so my love story is introduced. haha

Blogger Celine6/25/2007     

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