6/11/2007
Compliments of

During the summer, I decided for myself that I'd be linking to Anna's blog. No fudging as to whether we were close or not - sure, we've met, maybe talked a handful of times, but that was it. It didn't push through because there wasn't a suitable photo to use. I just gave her the chance to choose - which rarely happens - but what she gave me didn't look good once saturated, or even readjusted. So, Niko ends up looking for Anna Abola photos. Three considered, one pending approval, and I obviously can't wait.

And true, it's not really a secret that she's pretty. Probably a few heads have turned - one of them, unabashedly mine - and that was probably it. And minutes ago we were talking about compliments. Sure, I was supposed to give one until I just lost the thought and gave up. Besides, I already gave her one a few days back, and I guess that would suffice. Besides, there isn't really anything to say, much more to someone you actually barely know, even if you've heard the name a thousand times and you can't avoid hearing it again.

"I was supposed to compliment you again, but they never work nowadays," I said.

"Oh, go ahead," she typed back. "Flatter me."

I may be male and, along with it, appreciative (for lack of a better term) of what a pretty woman, to my definition, is. Yet, even if it's supposedly easy to say "I find you pretty" or something similar, I never really said that. Maybe lately, sure. I think I've pointed out stuff like Ale's hair, or Kim's dress, or Piyar's jacket and said that, well, it fits the entire package. Nothing really spectacular. In fact, if you've noticed, how I complimented Anna on that blog entry defies the textbooks - "besides, do you have an, err, un-pretty photo?" - and that's because I am probably the only person living in the planet that can never put to a straightforward manner what I feel has to be said.

"Haven't I already?" That's me looking for an escape route. Sure, that was witty. That's all I can do.

"Oh yes, you have," she realized. "But it won't hurt if you do it again."

And so, compliments have become arbitrary. Pointless, if you may. They're just there for icebreakers, just for someone to be given access to a woman's deepest thoughts. It's funny that the clueless are given tips on how to approach women and they're given pointers on what to look for, and what to do with it. "You've got the most beautiful eyes," you probably said, and yet you've got to be smooth about it. Never risk turning the girl off, or maybe away from you. So there must be a convolutedly funny way of saying it. You've got to preserve the wit. Maybe yourself stand out.

But what's there to compliment? You've only seen the girl once. The next thing that probably comes to mind is bouncing her off, so your little role in the world has been further diminished. And that's probably why I've never bothered giving them - there's nothing to talk about unless you know what's there to talk about. In this case, Anna's photo. Or Anna herself, for that matter.

"I just lost it. Darn," I eventually complained. The photo was a failure, and I started looking for one myself.

"Darn. You started off good. Come on, build it up!"

I was talking to Karla about Lizette earlier. The compliment I made? That was frigging serious, man. I actually still couldn't sleep at night wondering why I pulled that one off seven weeks ago - well, that's an exaggeration, but really. It eventually doesn't amount to anything, much more when you actually hook up your expectations to an oft-unstudied observation. I'm already stressed even without having finished two papers and worrying about an unfinished video shoot, and eventually I went serious as Karla started joking. She eventually buggered off, but not without a million more appeasements, that eventually this will all be over and we'll all laugh about it.

And so, the worry with making a good impression. "That wasn't a good impression I made" were the first words I told Lizette in person, but eventually I found nothing to talk about. When she left for the jeepneys, and me, for the buses, we sort of shook hands. Well, we just grabbed each others' hands and did something. I don't know. It didn't mean anything. So much for an impression. So much for wondering how to actually put your observations into motion, and it all amounts to nothing.

So, an icebreaker then? For me it didn't - it almost wrecked it. So much for the constant advice that you need to point out something to make that person feel good, make her comfortable, get things rolling. I get passed over, I know. You've got to think that someone's bound to make a better compliment that you, so why worry? Hopefully you get that someone. I still haven't.

I actually had nothing to tell Anna. So I started recycling old ones.

"And it doesn't matter whether you haven't been vain lately," I said. That was her complaint, thus I'm still looking for photos. "For the memory, as a friend said, is enough."

"Awww," she answered. "Sweet. But I want a new headshot for my Multiply!"

Thirty minutes later I figured my point out. Why bother complimenting? You don't get anything. You risk public humiliation. Maybe you risk not making it big sooner or later.

"I don't think compliments are pointless," Anna replied. "Well, that's just me."

"Yeah, but I give that to so many people and there's a deeper meaning to it," I answered. "Or is it just me worrying too much?" I grabbed a photo for contention, got a bit surprised because Sarah was there, and decided to double-check with the subject.

"I dunno. Up to you," she replied. "Debut folder na lang!"

Tuesday morning is around thirteen minutes old at this point. After typing in so many things I've lost my thoughts for yet another time. I was supposed to wonder about why, in the nine months things have been happening, why I never complimented Sarah for anything once, except probably when we matched outfits and I was blushing with glee. Then again it'd be very pointless to even think about it. Besides, at that point I already knew a bit more than I expected to, and there's no point because, well, the "deeper meanings" I told Anna was already out of the open, at least on her part.

Compliments are there to hide what a person really thinks, or wants. It's there for the person who cannot admit it outright, for the person who couldn't fashion a way to express his admiration for the girl he thinks is of his dreams. I'd think I've been very truthful for the latter part, but I still get extremely affected occasionally.

Anna is going to log off in a bit now. Darn. I just finished this! Then again, being truthful means a little convincing would help. She's staying just to read. And it occurred to me that the point of this entire entry is to merely compliment some girl that I've never talked to, at least to this extent, about how pretty she is. Then again, it wouldn't do any harm, because I know my interior motives - just to tell her that I think she's pretty.

And damn, do I make a better compliment than that?

And your responses...

Wow that was long. Ha. A post with a lot of me in it. Joy. :D

Well, thank you. I'm very much flattered, really. :) I don't really know what to say.

Well, I said stuff to you already earlier in YM, so.... :D I still think that compliments aren't pointless... As long as they're sincerely and truthfully said I suppose. :)

Night, Nico! This is a sweet post :D See you in school. :D

Oh btw, we just had our first real conversation. Cheers! XD

Anonymous Anna6/12/2007     

MY BAD

NIKO NIKO NIKOOOO

Anonymous Anna6/12/2007     

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