6/17/2007
Pinkish purplish

I haven't been to Starbucks for myself for my entire life. Despite the ubiquity of the one that stands along Torre Lorenzo, I haven't passed by for the expressed purpose of buying myself something. I've been there, sure, but only when Derek offered to treat me one early Saturday morning, and I couldn't refuse. (And yet I bought a hot chocolate.) Sometimes it just amazes me to think that the first thing my frosh sister did was to go by that establishment and blow three-fifths of her daily allowance for a tall frap.

It's nothing, really. I just read this article this morning and found myself objecting slightly, because the drop quote insinuated that whoever from this generation who doesn't know the difference between a cappucino and a macchiatto must have lived under a rock. And so what if I'm not into coffee? Maybe it's the buzz that I naturally have, but I never found the appeal of the closest Starbucks branch, and why people resort to killing to get their yearly planners. So that was exaggerated, sure, but I think you get my point.

I've been in DLSU for three years and yet I couldn't get used to it. Maybe spending a big chunk of my life in the middle of urban utopia still shocks me a bit, for upscale pop culture just moves on fast and I never know the difference. It's been three years and I still don't understand why people want to buy a digital camera only to take pictures of themselves, and themselves alone. Just today, while I was in line to buy some popcorn, there was this twelve-year-old girl who was taking photos of quite everything - her brother sprawled on the floor, the Taters sign on top of her - and, eventually, she got the camera with both hands, stretched it out reversed, and the inevitable happened. I was seriously despising this act, at the top of my head. I still cannot comprehend why people do this. Do they just love their own faces?

Well, maybe. I also take some grind at realizing that I rarely have photos of myself. When Mara took over the camera, I decided not to take photos anymore since there wasn't practically any space left, but I still chuckled at the fact that she, along with Mon and Jose, managed to gobble up almost the entire space in less than two hours. And I still chuckled about me not having any photos, which led Steph to taking the camera and attempting to take photos of us both, and also, a little reaction from Miss Trini in the editing bay. Sure, there were photos, but I eventually deleted them.

I actually take care not to let whatever I'm exposed to make a mark on my somewhat pristine image. Okay, so I'm not at all clean - I got "ergo" as an expression from Ella, "churells" as a farewell partly from Kizia, and you get the idea - but I never really wanted to be drastically affected by anything. It's not exactly a safe way of moving on for the better; in fact, measuring everything is quite a hard thing to do. Tedious, even. And I barely notice that I do.

So sometimes I get pretty surprised at what people think. Consider me posting a photo as my YM status photo - currently that one with Kimmy, which honestly got opposing reactions - and people will think I've got a crush on that person. So, really, now? Well, you know why extreme affection is misunderstood as perverted actions, or a premature showing of romance? And I don't even know why I get asked such questions. It seems that every time someone makes my buzz index, people presume something fairly huge will happen. Well, they were right only once, and I am still getting through despite a few hitches.

Deep inside, eventually, all you want is to be like them. I've been living with these changes for the past three years and it's getting more uncomfortable to sort everything out, much more when all you see on the papers are articles about why retropunk (whatever that means) makes you hot. My world still contains happy stories, and they keep on happening to most of the people I keep tabs with. And somehow I occasionally think that I deserve what they have more than they do, but come to think of it - I spent most, if not all, of my time sorting out the mess that is upscale pop culture, trying to see what fits and what doesn't, when all they do is, probably, pass by Greenbelt, get flirty, and get a steady date eventually. (Okay, so that was fairly hurtful.) I'll admit that I did get excited when Chex told me she was considering moving to DLSU only because I wanted to see Jason's reactions if and when he realizes that he actually likes my pretty friend. (In other words, it's the feeling that you started it all.) At least you get a one up for once. That's indispensable.

Life is still confusing. People still have earphones plugged, and they still look at the world with a glimmer that only cares when they're directly affected. I know, the geeks are apparently taking their revenge at the world, but why am I not part of it? Sadly I'm still left to wonder about the small, irrelevant stuff. You know, something about why Magic 89.9 decided to play Young Folks - which I love so much, and if I recall so well, blasted from Kimmy's iPod (or was it hers?) plugged somewhere in the dark room - or why Lizette calls her boyfriend "luffles". But why should I care? I still have sorting out to do. Things are moving at a breakneck speed.

But I'll admit it. I want to be like them. I want to have a happy story for myself. It's something to talk about while drinking a tall macchiatto. And for the smallest details, the name written on the side of the paper glass happens to be mine and somebody else's. And two straws.

And your responses...

1. i dont know the difference between a capuccino and macchia-thinger, even though i frequent coffee places (and not like coffee so much anyway).

2. i bought a digicam just to take pictures of myself. my new phone has a 2 MP camera, just so i can take pictures of myself cos i'm vain like that, really.

3. i call him luffles because it's better than 'mooshan', which i called my ex. ^_^

that said, i go to school now kthnxbai!

PS goddamn comment boxes bah

Anonymous liz6/19/2007     

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