7/30/2007
The magic of misunderstanding

There are the small decisions you'll live to regret, or maybe not live to regret about it at all, and yet these form the essence of living perfectly human lives. What is it about accidentally saying an expletive on live television, or stepping on your dance partner's toes despite a perfectly-rehearsed dance routine? I'm all too aware - you never have to rub it in - that I make so many of them, and to be honest I spend so much time regretting I eventually never move on.

Totally confused. Exactly what I am right now. Sure, I can use my tools to make sense of what's happening. Something went wrong between (my name) and (your name) over the weekend, and it seems that two days later it's going to end up being another torn friendship. Yet on one day I had my headphones plugged, and the next day I wasn't paying enough attention. Today it seems I've got this old feeling of it's-back-to-square-one, a feeling that I've never had in quite a while. But eventually we stumble.

So the first step to regaining lost ground is to stop thinking that it's actually gone sour. I hope it becomes a rule of some sort - everything is a misunderstanding, we all stumble sometimes, and we eventually survive in utopia at the end of it all. Maybe we should stop observing subject treatments and then compare it to voices you've heard in the background. Maybe we should stop putting some meaning to a quick walk out of the room, to the opposite direction, and just presume. We'll all dream happily then.

I won't go blaming my hyperactive thought bubbles, but I'm not fulfilling this. Not by a mile, my dear readers, if only in an effort to patronize. Maybe it's idle time, but I'm blaming the same old things. Maybe it's worrying about what comes next, especially when the most important things are yet to come. Maybe it's the feeling that the routine that I got so used to changes yet again, and not for the better - heck, six weeks early! Or maybe it's just the fear of being stabbed in the back, but thats very far fetched as far as I'm concerned. Then again we're all doing it on a daily basis, so it's something I should technically be used to.

Or maybe it's because I'm not used to this for the longest time, which makes me shudder?

Eventually it boils down to this being just another small thing. I'm at home and I've forgotten about it. Tomorrow, or probably through a text message, it'll all go back to me and I'll worry as I plug my headphones in once again. Me apologizing crossed my mind - well, I rarely apologize for anything, but if I have to then I'll delay everything and commit suicide in the process - but maybe, if given a chance, then I'd apologize now. I'm sorry, I'd probably say. But did you ever think that, for once, it's your fault, not mine?

And I can hear your okay that you usually do in my head, but this time, I have supplied the sarcasm, and tripled it.

And your responses...

If it was really a misunderstanding, I don't see the need for apologies. I mean, it would be better, in my opinion, for you guys to talk it out clearly again, then maybe apologize at the end. but not at the first instance.

and about the backstabbing, everyone does it once in a while; they just don't know it's backstabbing. in any case, there's really nothing you can do about it, is there?

Anonymous stef7/30/2007     

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