7/31/2007
Possibilities are everything

I don't recall where I learned this, but it's quite true when you think of it. As I told Katia, "possibilities are everything, while probabilities aren't."

I think it was philosophy class. Probabilities are mathematical, as I remember - it's a number, derived from a mathematical equation, derived from a multitude of observations. Possibilities, on the other hand, just happen - as long as it isn't a deviation of the laws of nature, which, as I just remembered, is different from natural law.

When I met Noelle Wenceslao, one of the three Filipinas who successfully traversed Mount Everest early this year, it was on the day my right hand stopped bleeding profusely. I think she was the fourteenth person to hear of my story, of how I got wounded at the CCP for the sake of watching Ligaw Liham. Never in my right mind would I ever have thought that this would happen - not until Karylle actually reminded me through her comment on Shale - but never would I also have thought of the thing she said, about my wounds, my stupidity (if you'd put it that way) or my then impending shoot. Having been to Everest probably changed things, but she says stumbling, or blood itself, is a lucky sign.

I don't know how figurative you can get.

Earlier, cultural studies class gave way to something the OCCS organized regarding transitions. Sir Bayot was joking a few meetings back about why our particular class was chosen among the many ones in CLA at that time. Probably we were the "exceptional" ones - whatever he meant is possibly a joke - and so we were given that crunched seminar on perfecting, as our counselor put it, the "importance of letting go". On the lifeline, which was supposed to track our "emotional temperature", I was surprised to see that, despite the extraordinary detail I gave to listing down what I deemed were the most significant events of my college life, my life is actually on the positive side of things. And even more surprisingly, I didn't argue about it.

And, if you know well enough, my significant moments happen to be mostly on the negative side. Or, at least, as I told my groupmate - who happens to be not the usual crowd since I haven't got a blockmate around and Michelle had her own group - I happened to blog about the negative stuff more often, if only for a need to cope up and get through. It seemed that I'd be sad for the rest of my life, that I'd live through the rest of college in misery, or what poses as misery... it actually remains so much of a surprise to me to realize that, eventually, I have started coping with change. At least a little better than before.

So maybe it must really be lucky, stumbling so many times.

There was some surprising insight I told that girl - her name slips again, like Noelle's last Thursday - about me not feeling every possible hurt there is because I don't have many friends around. Just a desperate thought, I guess. But it's like friends saying they didn't feel the pain at all, yet ironically they feel much more now.

Apparently it's possible that I become in positive territory. Yes, it took a lot of writing, a bit of friend support, and appreciating the smallest things - making projects work in the most terrible of circumstances, for example. I won't prescribe a definitive recipe, and I won't say it's going to last, and I probably would say that my joys are as shallow as, say, a kid who gets to read a foreign newspaper for the first time - but isn't that profound? - but I won't eliminate the possibility.

That's what possibilities are for. They're everything.

Exactly a year ago my blog entry was plain sad. It was a mood swing, and I thought it'd last forever. But apparently all the whining makes you forget about other things. And sure, this won't last forever, but eventually we will get through. Or at least there's a possibility that we will. Throw in an indescribable misplaced unnecessary blush-like gesture and we're done.

And your responses...

wow, they're teaching "letting go" at school already? but i guess that's good coz it's the closest most Filipinos could get to learn better (and professionally advised) coping skills since i suppose it's rare for us to seek help outside of friends.

anyways, yeah it's good for you to realize that the most significant events in your life are mostly positive. i guess it's normal though. we celebrate and cherish achievements whilst we learn to forget about our shortcomings (no matter how depressing they can be when the wounds are still fresh).

good luck and enjoy more life!

Anonymous ~8/01/2007     

haha i just read karylle's version of the story. funny!

Blogger Katia8/02/2007     

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