8/13/2007
"Feels cosmopolitanish whatever"

What's it with guys trying so hard to hide what they feel towards girls? Sure, there are some who just happen to mention it outright, or just demonstrate it without implying anything, but for the millions around the world who can relate to my everyday predicament, what it with guys trying extraordinarily hard?

Hasn't anyone heard of that cliché actions speak louder than words?

I sometimes think I'm very unreceptive. I wouldn't figure out something is happening by mere senses alone. I always have to see something in concrete - typewritten words, smudges, wounds, the like - before I could say that something quite significant, or otherwise, is happening. Thus, my tendency to never admit anything until I finally decide to write something about it. I think it's because of the finding that I have this very high aptitude for words, to the point that I can get extremely affected by it, or the other way around.

Maybe that's the reason why nobody gets me. Who else was interested in language class as an elementary student? I haven't really read a lot of books when I was a kid - I may have eyeglasses but I didn't read as much as my contemporaries - but, as it turned out, they all still admire me for my feeble attempts at writing. Add to that a weird variety of perceptions and television program theories, and you've got something you won't really understand.

I thought I wouldn't really be understood, and consequently, I could hide everything. But eventually people learn to play your game.

I think I get too engrossed in whatever I write, too often. It translates to literally anything, really. I even get surprised at what others eventually say I do. Yet I think I've hidden it pretty well, because I wrote about it as ambiguously as possible, and nobody has been talking about it. Maybe it's a crazy attempt to attract attention and become the talk of the town, pretty much what happens when you split up on-air and hurl sex scandals and accusations at each other, like what happens on those Sunday gossip programs, but eventually I get tired of it because nobody notices, except probably those who actually know something, and the burden gets too heavy to bear.

"I just hate the feeling of having another one," I bluntly told Lizette last night. After a few months or so, she figured.

Well, actually she long has. I don't know why, but to be very honest, aside from the occasional conversation with Karla, it never came out anywhere. Nothing was paraded or anything. The blog entries merely continued (or not because the hiatus went too soon, without relating to anything) and nothing else got paraded. In fact, the past three months have been more of a fickle adventure between, say, three unlucky contestants. Make that six. Maybe more.

So what's it with guys trying so hard to hide what they feel towards girls? Some would say they're merely feelings, and feelings are normal, unless if it turns to some manic something that drives someone to suicide or murder or posters of the same face on the ceiling. I, at this point, find it amazing that I'm actually mentioning this to as many people as possible, although of course circumstances meant Karla hasn't heard of anything. Maybe I've been drifting to some new strategy regarding all of this undeserved hoopla, of joking about it when it all seems too real, or just blurting it out hoping not to be taken seriously. And so far, it worked, because I'm still utterly unreceptive. Maybe I should stop writing about myself, for a change.

Lizette and I are actually talking about her graphic designer boyfriend. Chex doesn't have to spoon about it any longer - she has figured it out.

And your responses...

because we also have emotions. and we also get hurt. it sucks to admit vulnerability towards a person and still get hurt for that. men would rather not show weakness then and continue to act macho.

and yeah, i also would like to believe more on words than actions. sure it maybe easier to be lied upon but then it's risky to guess on everything and take meaning on whatever is being shown. i'd rather get it laid down straight to me. at least that way, i won't be making an "ASS of U and ME"

Anonymous ~8/14/2007     

i think the simple answer to that is the fear of rejection...we all don't want to go through that painful phase when loving someone because there is a huge possibility that the other party doesn't want our love

and for us girls,it is the fear of losing someone important to us...we dont know why exactly boys tend to "detach" from us when we reveal our feelings to them...its simply choosing between love or friendship

Anonymous Anonymous8/14/2007     

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