One year later, and everyone is still out on a Halloween party.
I'm not really into those things, so don't take this as a whine. In fact I'd rather sleep, more so after today being one of the most stressful days I've ever endured. Sure, thesis reading gets you giddy, and when you finally sit in front of the panel and you get asked about the probability of one drastically changing, you're sure to start running on twice the sugar and you falter and faint. I think I got tired not because of the thinking process - I think I psyched myself to Miss Sibayan asking us something about our plot - but more because my heart never stopped beating fast, throughout the more than two hours I was at Miguel's second floor.
And right now, our agony's getting longer - all of us who managed to defend are still waiting for the results of our defense. I'm not vouching for anything this time, because during the five minutes we spent at M209, our proposal sort of dropped to the abyss. As Jason put it tonight, though, it makes him "nervous and interested at the same time" - after sending me messages through YM, and in the process confusing me as to whether I'm talking to him or to Iza.
It's in these moments when I become achingly optimistic. Maybe it's my way of coping with stress - becoming something I obviously am not, just to feel that, for once, I was something I never thought I would be. Well, that never really crosses my mind - heck, I'm busy thinking of possible loopholes! When our names weren't called, and amidst the celebration around me - why is it that the people I explain the possibilities to get approved? - we were obviously knackered, but something gets us through. Whatever that is, I don't really bother to figure out.
Then it becomes similar to last year. It's the cosmic forces at work. While everyone figures that, for once, they'd be very shallow and have fun, I am stuck here wondering why some things happen, and some things don't. It's pretty much like a brightspark to, say, type in a handful of congratulatory words even if you aren't really sure whether there's something worth celebrating about or not. During lunch I pondered - that's how bored I am - over why I chose this restaurant over the other, only to realize that the other option would've given me less power to entertain Ariane on the bus ride home.
At least you know they're working in the background. A year later, well, I've basically moved forward. No more of the revolutionary whatevers I entertained in the past. It merely becomes one photo, after another, after another, and then you hear one thing, and then another. Then you compare everything and get a distorted sense of things actually changing. Not everything has, though - they're still forces working. Tomorrow they might push you down a cliff, if you manage to find one.
I started the day with a hash brown, and ended the day with a broken ballpen. Another casualty of independent lunch breaks, made worse by a thought bubble caused by someone slurping coffee off a straw. But yes, I saw that from half a hallway away. And that's the cosmic forces at work. Maybe that's why people still go to Halloween parties despite today not being suspended by half a day. If I went there I would've won, thanks to my low-maintenance beliefs.
Maybe I should reconsider. All three are taken, it seems.