11/23/2007
Photo opportunities

Kor and Piyar somehow managed to put it in words very succinctly. The options that I have, however, aren't really the best ones.

And funnily enough, my simple requests never make it out alive.

For some reason I was having another mood swing before I went home. Anna must be right - I must be a girl, enduring that time of the month. Kidding aside, though, somehow it finally happened. I didn't really have to think of anything, although I was outside the room more times than I anticipated. I was pretty restless, frequently stage phoning to justify my visits to the great beyond.

Or, as I told Mae on the bus home - and I'm not quoting myself - the end is near.

Sure, Alyssa just told me that. Everybody in the world seems to have a problem. That is a given, but for some reason it's magnified a million times - or it's me. Finally, the lens have worked, and I can see well, although it is a distorted one. Insert generalizations of other blocks and how they can bitch up the entire industry with one decision, and you've got a conversation in a squeezed-out bus.

I was telling Mae today about my sudden mood swing - maybe tried to explain how it really happened, to no avail. It's not the surprise quiz, nor the unusually small number of people in class, but it's more about the things that just strike you from out of nowhere.

How come I haven't regretted anything? Maybe I am used to being a "leftover", as I described it. It's another one of those momentary, but compulsory, tributes to emotions past. People are there when they need me, but would otherwise not want to be associated with someone of such intellectual aptitude. I've been described occasionally as anti-social, unable to relate to anyone, and thus is practically doomed to a life living alone. I prefer to be successful, though - high-rise condominium, justifiable amount of money, barely making isolation, and then death due to questionable circumstances. They'll wonder if it's human waste or chemicals that caused it.

It isn't fun joking about suicide, but there's a satisfaction with being able to deliver one in a deadpan fashion. Mae somehow was compelled to text me, reminding me to "stay alive" despite what else stays. Maybe I'll remain cynical on the bus, and only on the bus, but who knows? I have missed so many opportunities, camera phone in hand, sort-of-crushable figuratively on another, or something of that sort for that matter. Figuratively, of course.

As if I had to explain that.

I still hate mood swings, but hey, if you can't do anything about it, you might as well make the most out of it. I'd probably go bingeing on the two-day-old burgers Misha was talking about - all the Yum burgers the people at The Philippine Star bought, anticipating fifteen people and getting three. In hindsight, they'd be week-old, and probably moldy. All the more for me to die eating burgers, which is better than injecting air into your veins, or faking it entirely.

Sure, the end is near, but I want out this early. I just indulged myself in yet another failed photo opportunity. Figurative, still.

And your responses...

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