12/12/2007
So this is how it ends

Can I finally say finally?

I have been oversleeping lately. For one part it's a surprise, since it happens despite my alarm clock constantly playing Positivity, a throaty growl on the verge of coercing me to wake up. On another it isn't, since I have been losing sleep more frequently the past few weeks than the rest of my life combined.

Yet it feels very, very weird. There's this stigma I exude already - people are expecting me to be awake very early, and rightfully so, because I have always been awake early. Sleeping patterns change, however, and now the weekends are angry at me because I spend less time with them, preferring the bed for any occasion. It's either my phone bill rises, or my energy does. I don't know.

I spent four hours typing in an excuse - yes, I am calling it as such - for a final paper for journalism class. When Miss Bacalla advised everyone to "change [our] tack" if nobody replies to our interview requests, well, nobody probably paid attention. I am still hanging on to the interview Nadia set, and admittedly the outline has evolved into yet another content analysis bit written as if it was being posted here. But I finished at two in the morning today, eventually overslept, and got in the nick of time - but not on time - to finally submit our spine-chilling radio station project. And, at this point, I still have two people - Nadia and Misha - typing theirs in.

"Most boring paper ever in progress."

But I thought she did well in the interview. Talking to the Manila Standard Today's Francis Lagniton, I found myself without much to get, and them benefitting from my questions, even. I grabbed my index cards and found that my handwritting have become scribbles. I am dead, it seems. Nothing else happens.

And then Miss Agnes is on vacation leave today, so my paper, along with a few others, remain strewn on top of her desk. After all that was done, though, a sigh of relief - that is the last major hurdle. Maybe a few reflection papers, all due tomorrow, and then I'll cease oversleeping, because it will be enough sleep.

But that's how it ends, really. I'll never tire of pointing out that, if before we'd make a big deal out of what we're leaving behind, now we're fussing over what happens next. Already some of us have started talking about our futures, now that we're a term away - plus bureaucracy, of course - from leaving the school. So far we can only point out a few people who'll definitely get somewhere, maybe due to doing the right decisions, or just being plain talented. And us, well, we can only hope to finish thesis without the nerve-wrecking questions like what we saw a few days ago.

So, can I finally say finally? Farther from the truth, yes. For one, there is still another term, and another, you'll never be sure if things completely change. But I guess it comes with time, the change of focus from one concept to another, and maybe for the need to finish one thing and sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, and sleep some more.

But before I think it's over, well, you realize that you've been in it too long. You two are intertwined. Can't do anything about it.

Misha has logged out. Probably she's done. Nadia's still slaving over the "most boring paper" she's ever done. And I'm going to get myself a new wall clock tomorrow. Good indicators for time, those things. The next thing I'll hope for is an effective alarm clock, but maybe we'll still sing about positivity soon. The song dedication comes soon.

And your responses...

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