2/06/2008
Fangirlisms

"Fans ka nga," Lau retorted.

"Hindi. Walang kausap sa YM eh!" I answered back.

I'm in the middle of another so-called conference on Kelly's Multiply site. I guess I should say this now - if you hear my name on the radio, it would most definitely be because of this, and nothing else, except probably if I called someone else, or work for a station myself. While both remain far-flung possibilities, I find myself feeling a bit weird, because I'm actually starting to sound like a fan of Kelly's, which, to be very honest, I never was. I remember Ella asking me on the phone why this particular liking, so to speak, even managed to exist. My answer, of course, would be as ambiguous as my idea of an answer.

Probably within the span of three weeks, aside from putting myself in psychological harm's way, I have met quite a lot. Peter, the "perky" one, occasionally makes his presence felt, but his name alone becomes a topic of choice. Daes is seemingly quiet, with her statements bearing a sense of blankness, but of course it isn't. Jaiin endures night classes and arrives last, but somehow helps to address the balance. Denise manages to keep her identity hidden, to the point that I can't find my way around it. Vange just appeared yesterday and is settling in, thanks to our coercion. And Alvin is just there, just there...

The past few nights have been like that, really. If I'm online and seemingly idle, it's because I'm "chatting" with Kelly, maybe Tin (whose laftof doesn't have a fee), and the rest of what I have come to call the Kellybiters. I did give the name, and took a while for them to adopt it, until Kelly relented because Peter decided to raise the idea of calling all of us ticks. And that's why I've been acting a bit weird for the past three weeks - primarily because the inevitable happens. My life collides with everybody else's.

Call me a fan, sure. I actually don't think of it that way, and not because of the three times I have met Kelly, all before this happened. Call me being in the right spot at the right time, and eventually finding comfort in the people that suddenly have an affinity with my ramblings. Sure, it feels weird that it seems my nocturnal life circulates around one three-hour radio show with the dulcet tones of the disk jockey, songs that are neither current or recurrent, George's words and the on-air revelations I end up doing. Heck, maybe she feels queasy when we discuss what we would call ourselves in between cravings for French fries dipped in ice cream. But it's called a community, for community's sake.

I sent in my letter for earlier's Neighbor Diaries pilot. Kelly thought I'd end up crying, so she decided to "spike up" her voice with helium while reading my letter, and playing my three songs in between. I never really cried on Chasing Cars, but you know me - everything I hear has an associated meaning, which is why Denise thought my emotional investment is different. Maybe, maybe, but who knows? I've been populating my statements with tildes again. I might as well blame the Kellybiters for making me realize that, with barely a term remaining in my college life, I am going to miss out on the one thing I actually have already missed out on.

Till then, I will keep on submitting my contributions and tuning in to hear my full name said on air. Kelly knows me as Niko Batallones even if I don't have to say the last bit. It makes me laugh, really, but more so today, because while Antonette sleeps in the comfort of friends that try to make her happy despite everything, I think of why my own feelings manage to get out of the box and, maybe, demonstrate its abilities a little differently.

And we will all sing Amber again.

And your responses...

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