3/27/2008
Betrayed by the experience

What else is there to say?

You've exhausted all possible channels. The moment you've exhausted everything, you see another one, and just go there.

You find a semblance to family. You find you way around, look for a comfortable corner, and slowly, you get used to the people around you. They greet you back, they ask you questions, and you surprisingly oblige.

You slowly grow comfortable, and you start loosening up a bit. Gone are your pretensions, and in comes who you really are. Well, the world asks you to be yourself, and now seems to be the perfect time, right? You slowly reveal yourself, and they admire you for that, honorary titles and all.

As time passes, you've stayed in that one corner. People notice you anyway. They wonder where you are if you're gone, and they welcome you back the moment you return. All your ideas are wonderful, and all your works are well-scrutinized, usually with a positive effect, a little laugh here and there, perhaps a pat on the back, maybe a hug. For once, a place that you can gladly return to after all those years of searching. Someone who understands, who sympathizes, who advices, who actually bothers.

Supposedly.

The next thing you know, everybody has settled in very well, and even if nobody really leaves their spots, you're being left behind. Slowly. Surely. They're very comfortable now, comfortable enough to point at everything you never wanted them to point at. Sooner than later you're very comfortable to show yourself, and they actually don't like you anymore. Assurances aside, you disappear and nobody notices.

You start taking it against them, for being so good at being themselves, that they think that's the only thing in the world.

You think you should have your own spot in the world. But who will go there? All they'll tell you is, go change, you messed-up moron, you.

But changing is futile. You might as well look for new channels, again. Same old square one. Same old vicious cycle. Same old lurking. Radically different situation.

Yes, it has happened so many times.

So, what else is there to say?

And your responses...

awts...indeed we find people who will be there to accept us but at some point they will try to force us to change and that makes us more stubborn ^_^ and thats what make life more interesting, isn't it? ^^

Blogger Lizette3/27/2008     

ahaha, i just wanted to point out: minsan napakauncanny ng timing naten. honestly. :P

as for that, well, that's where compromises come in, doesn't it? I mean, you could live in eternal stagnation, stay the same, exist in a world where you are master and there are no subjects. sure, the thought is fun, but we know it doesn't exist.

or you could just allow little things to change you here and there. that doesn't mean you'll change who you are entirely. you'll just take the ones you think will be helpful to you, and scrap the ones that you think are, well, crap (read: the two kinds of criticisms). that is, unless, you believe there's nothing more to change about you, because you're already perfect, which, i'm-guessing-you-already-know-what-i'd say-here.

look, i'm not really taking things against you. but - i've been using this phrase a lot lately - there's more to life than any bitterness and lies. thing is, if you don't want to change, nobody can make you. if there's one good thing, at least from your point of view, you'd be able to gauge who really accepts you for EVERYTHING that you are; and - there's two good things pala - you'd be able to separate the good friends from the better. you decide. :P

Blogger Dexter3/28/2008     

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