3/21/2008
Good, better, best

This is such a blasphemy, isn't it? On a day when most Catholics - and I mean most - are commemorating the death of Jesus Christ, I'm blogging about romance and peace.

In fact, I've been trying to address a backlog of homework that has stammered me for the past week or so. I finished two documentary notes yesterday, and today I just finished, fairly awkwardly, an essay on my circumcision experience. I still haven't done my history requirements, nor my (revised) documentary concept, nor my investigative report! As Jackie put it a couple of days ago, it's like going with the suffering we're paying tribute to today.

Today also happens to be Kizia's birthday, and in usual Niko fashion I sent a quirky, weird greeting via text. Well, I didn't get a reply.

I haven't moped about it, but I can't help but remember. Two years ago - oh, here we go again! - it was such a big deal, it basically swept my feet away, even if it was all over. Today, it falls on a supposedly solemn day, and it seems everyone around me is forced, somehow, to keep quiet. If there's one thing I managed to reflect on, all while writing about my circumcision, it's that something always seems to happen to me in March. And the months prior to that, and the months that follow.

In fact, if you're able to trace my romantic sojourns, it somehow always falls between November and June of the next year. It reaches a peak when people start making single people jealous, and ends when they just disappear.

Maybe I just have too much time to be able to think of such things - surprisingly so, because I still have eight requirements to work on - but what gets me there anyway? Some say we're better off with our own values - things that we believe in, and make the most of in our lives. Revolutionaries have that, heroes have that, and politicians claim to have that. I feel disbelief whenever someone at the same level as the rest of us say they believe in one thing or another, because - pardon for the words - we seem incapable of doing so. How can they preach one thing and stick to it?

I, on the other hand, merely get swept away, to the point that there's actually a pattern. An apex in February, a crisis in March, and everything forgotten in April - if it's happened thrice, it definitely isn't good. I'm no stranger to vowing, every single time, that things will be different - the same mistakes won't be committed. Then someone presses rewind, and I'm there again. A different feeling, a different situation, but essentially the same.

At this point it's best to laugh at things. Who thought that two years ago, my biggest worry would be whether Kizia knew all about it? A year later, it was trying to get out of a situation not worth saving, and thankfully, I have. This time around, I have eight requirements to work on, and no self-admitted language mangler in sight. But the scenario's still the same, if you analyze it like I do. Maybe analyze it a lot. Fuel it with paranoia and laugh at it.

Maybe we should think that one person stuck with his principles and did so until the very end, with nails through flesh and wood.

I may be turning religious, but that's what the season calls for. Now we're turning to the heavens for guidance with freeloading groupmates, almost-impossible deadlines, and our dead romances. But sometimes we don't get it, really, do we?

And your responses...

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