5/16/2008
Keep rediscovering

"Kung mangyari ito, ito ang magiging unang pagkakataon na magkakaroon ng dalawang bagyo ng sabay sa gitna ng summer."

And now, we have just that.

Weather reports keep me alive nowadays. I get a kick out of wondering, and realizing, why we're getting drizzles rather than downpours. Two storms pulling each other to wherever thing will end up, and everybody in the middle gets all rained out, some worse off than others. Blame fifteen years' worth of weather reports on television, initially to wonder whether there really is a big television behind the late Ernie Baron, and now to wonder what significant bit Kim Atienza will share.

First times are amazing. I was weird for a young kid, I guess; I found something amazing with television newscasts. In between me and my sister begging whoever had control of the television to switch to ABS-CBN - either we go "two, two, two!" or turn the knob on our black-and-white unit ourselves - I was interested in whatever really was behind Noli de Castro and Mel Tiangco. Is it Manila Bay? I'd usually wonder. How did they get a photo of that big a place? We still approached things with a big serving of curiosity, and more so because we never really got answers.

Well, we know a lot more now. Television studios aren't really big; only the cameras make the set of TV Patrol World larger than it seems. Ernie Baron didn't report in front of a big telly, but rather, in front of nothing but green fabric; the rest happens off-screen. But as the number of newscasters dwindled and the world went beyond police reports and entertainment news, we still had our first times; the answers we got led to more questions. And then, at one point, you feel you've done everything.

It's not raining at this moment, but earlier it is. And yes, I probably got a kick out of explaining weather conditions to my mother, but it was nothing new. When everything was done, it was back to bed. Burnt out, perhaps.

With the radio on mute, I once lied on the bed, wondering about stuff. School's about to begin, but I don't really have much of a use to it now, and as I ponder my remaining options before graduation, I wonder whether I will still get a kick out of whatever I do, or will do. What else, aside from getting a gate pass just to finish our graduation requirements? Gone, perhaps forever, are the days when I'll go to class and discover something new. The future's the time to put whatever we have learned - and got fascinated with - to everybody's use. I can't really tell if that will excite me or anything.

Maybe those chances are gone, and I'll be stuck with redoing my first times until they lose their shine. Maybe I'll regret not taking up that first time earlier, or at all.

We've pretty much laid our paths, and we're now expected to get walking. From this point on, we're all alone; only telephones will throw us back, slightly, to the past. I'll usually say, somewhere right here, that we're going to make the most of what we have and make things better for us - perhaps tweedily safe - but, simply, no. I'll instead challenge myself to find myself more of the first times - stumble and fall, and perhaps die for it - and maybe arrest my slow decline into routine. Face it: that's imminent. So, if there's a different way to do things, you might as well do it that way, rather than realizing that you know everything, and stop at your tracks. It would've been a waste of money spent on tuition fees - and of egos spent on loving the unlovable.

And your responses...

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