5/10/2008
Missing

It's hard to get used to this.

I used to see you around. And by that, I mean all the time. As much as you didn't want me to express it, I did anyway. I guess doing that didn't really turn out well, although it was, as usual, circumstance that made it that way.

I'd tell you stories. Well, actually, I'd tell you of my frustrations. There are, as you know, so many things that I haven't done, and things that I wish I have done. You'd always tell me to push. I'd always tell you that I couldn't, not because I couldn't, but because I shouldn't. You'd insist anyway, and I'd end up presuming. Nothing really has changed, right?

It's been so long since we've met, and I've been proven wrong. What always happened ceased to. Now it's circumstance, I always say, but this time it isn't. It's a totally different feeling. I thought I would be forever brought down by my frustrations, but I'm enjoying some sense of liberation. It's not exactly the most comfortable one - hey, someone's gotta fill the void - but it's good. For once, I've basically forgotten that one thing.

But something good has come out of it. I'm not sure if I told you that, but I'm sure you have, even if I never really felt your expressions. You somehow never seemed to care, but I felt the flipside to it, and yes, you did. You're probably thinking about how much I've grown, and how well I've handled these frustrations, to the point of us laughing it off when everything seemed serious, and ready to fail. And perhaps that's why I never really wanted to let go. But that's being selfish, right?

I don't know. Now that you aren't here to tell me so - what more with us moving apart, and yes, circumstance - who else will?

Again, it's hard to get used to this. We're not really drifting apart, but time is running out, and when I finally step out and grab myself a life, there'll probably be more of this, or less. Can I ask you one last favor, though? I'm very sure you can get away with this, and I won't.

Tell her I miss her, will you?

And your responses...

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