As kids, we're often told to share. There's probably not one kid who's been egged, persuaded, or forced by a teacher to share something with a classmate - a pencil, a toy, a sandwich. The world is supposed to look better that way, with textbooks having illustrations of two kids sharing something together, smiles and all.

But, as kids, we're also often told not to share things that we shouldn't share. Then again, they don't call it sharing; they call it cheating. "Don't copy from your seatmate," they'd always say, but perhaps it's already too late. Deals might have been struck, and the damage might have been done. But nobody could care less back then, unless you're that uptight kid who thinks rules are golden. I guess his world wasn't as nice as it was supposed to be.

When you grow up, you have an idea, more or less, of what you have and what you want to have. You know what you can give, what you shouldn't give, and what you should try getting. Usually appeals for help don't confuse you; they just pass you by unless you think you have to do something about it. You share with other people, and you work to give yourself a break. But something rattles your world once in a while.

What if you want something, but you're not supposed to have it?

Obviously you simply can't ask nicely. It's what you went to school for. Know where you shouldn't tread. Your textbooks didn't really say it, but it lay in all the stories that you had in literature classes, and in all the split-hypocrisies you had in attempts to form values, and in the signs around you as you went along. To an extent, we were perhaps taught to be very shy about things - no wonder the show-offs are seen as renegades and role models.

But here's what your teachers would've told you at one point. "Matanda ka na," they told me once. "Alam mo na dapat ang gusto mo." And if you do, and start thinking about how to do it - you were taught that in school, too - you realize that you cannot, because somebody else beat you to it.

This may sound far off, but your friends might have told you that there are much more fish out in the sea. People can move on, because there are options, and some might work better for you than others, or perhaps, the one you thought you need to survive. But you're at the losing end of the bargain - you've been captured by the thought of that one thing that you can't have. Cheesy as this Dashboard Confessional reference may be, it simply fits: you have stolen my heart.

And your responses...

reminds me of my first year in high school...minsan, magkakatabi kaming pare-parehas ang scores... :))

then my teacher told me once.."nadaig mo pa ako! ako nga hindi pa nagkaka-boyfriend eh!" :))

i miss my old school!! :(

Anonymous sam5/25/2008     

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