7/15/2008
Coming

The problem with anticipation is disappointment.

Perhaps - no, definitely - there was a time when you really looked forward to something. Life-changing, maybe, or something extraordinary, or something new, but something you can definitely immerse in. Initially you're anxious, naturally because change is involved again, but after all has been said and done, you're excited about it, and you somehow won't admit it.

So, what do you do? It's no ordinary thing; of course you just can't stop thinking about it or, to say the least, it occupies your thought bubbles more frequently than it should be. You think of every scenario, imagine every outcome, assess every possible stereotype, and act out solutions even if the situation is outlandish, to say the least. Images flash in your head, as to what could possibly be, and what should be. You hear your thoughts in your head, and they are slowly refined as time passes by, becoming words you might actually say, and you rehearse them, as if you have to.

The moment of reckoning slowly comes. Or, at least, that's what it seems to you, after everything's been shuffled. It's somehow become a part of you, to the point that it merely blurs in the background, and you just forget about it. You're ready, you might say. You just have to do everything tomorrow, and pretend as if it's second nature for you to do so. You can't fall asleep, but somehow you do.

As the time closes in, you imaging everything one last time. It's become a side show, actually, and one that entertains you. Makes you happy. Makes you complete.

And then they do something else. They take your unspoken game plan and toss it into the air. They tell you what really happens, and you start fumbling for a second game plan, but nothing flashes in your head anymore; you haven't got time for it. They're not breathing down your neck, because they'd rather be brutally frank about it - they don't give a damn. They'll just work as if you didn't exist, unless you break in for five minutes - which makes you really happy, and complete, mind you - and then get thrown out again.

You go home shattered, and with nowhere else to go.

The problem with anticipation is disappointment. Perhaps the lesson here is, don't be too excited over anything, don't expect too much - but who can help it? It's second nature. It's something that we're made to do, to be able to plan ahead and assess anything that might go wrong. But you'll just get up and do what you have to do, thinking that you can't ask them for a favor, because you aren't really up to par. It will take a while, but you won't be able to get yourself together again, because you're no longer complete, and you're no longer happy, or at least how you define it. And you never will be.

The irony is, it is the change everybody, even you, wanted in the first place.

And your responses...

"don't be too excited over anything, don't expect too much - but who can help it?"

i agree. :p

but, i really should stop doing that though.

Anonymous sam7/15/2008     

When I get eager at something, I often end up feeling dreadful..

Blogger NiƱa7/15/2008     

haayyy my thoughts for today.

Anonymous anna7/15/2008     

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