9/15/2008
Eleven weeks of being friendly

My alarm was supposed to ring at five in the morning, but as always, things haven't gone the right way. I woke up to my mother banging the window outside our room, and to boot, I woke up to my sister's alarm, which never worked anyway.

"Oh no," I told myself. "Monday na naman."

I was irritable on the breakfast table, actually having the gall to argue with my mother over the way she woke me up. Perhaps it's because I was in the middle of a nightmare, segueing to a phone call to someone who probably despises me for my know-it-all attitude, but it was clear to me that it's because of something else.

I slept my way throughout the trip to Ortigas, finally waking up when we got to the usual traffic jam in Makati. I wasn't paying attention to anything else, really. I just noticed a few billboards have changed, and perhaps my life story has started resonating with the discussion on the radio. I arrived at desk A06 at the usual early time, worked on my summaries, dealt with back pain, worked on my profiles.

An unusually late email came in, and I decided to open another YM window. I figured that it's barely eight in the evening in Seattle.

"That's weird," Neobie would type in thirty minutes later. "It says it's undeliverable."

"Email problems again," I answered. "Sent it to my [other email address] instead."

"I'll send it here on YM," she countered, as I realized that I inadvertently put in a period in my email address.

We were planning the new profile divisions for an hour. Why does it take us an hour to plan these things, when it should take thirty minutes? "Wait, I'm math-challenged," she said - that must be the answer. For the first time today, I chuckled.

The case wasn't the same after I returned from McDonald's, the usual chicken burger in tow.

"I dunno why, but I feel depressed," I typed in another window.

"Ohh, why?" Ella answered.

"I dunno nga, eh," I answered.

"Sudden mood change?"

"Since yesterday afternoon? Back then it was, but now, it's seriously disturbing me. I can only say I can trace it to my work. Beyond that, I don't know. And nobody will care anyway."

"What happened?"

"I feel... insecure? That I didn't make the right choices, and I'm stuck here doing nothing else? Not that I dislike my work... but the environment. You're surrounded by forty-ish people and you're still alone."

"Define 'alone,'" she pressed.

"Walang kausap? I totally hate my job because of that alone. Eleven weeks? Heck, I tried getting started. I can't. I tried. Nothing will."

"Don't you have any friends there?"

I refused to say no, so an improvised emoticon was in tow.

"Why not do anything about it? Be friendly!"

"I just said that! Eleven weeks of being friendly." I was exasperated. "I can't try any harder. Or I refuse to. I'm tired na."

"Do you think that if you change to a different environment, the situation will change?" Ariane was on another window, and she had the privilege of seeing what I told Ella.

"Well, absolutely," I answered. "If I was given a chance to actually interact, then yes, it will change. But so far, eleven weeks of being friendly, and where has that gone? It happened na kaninang umaga. I woke up dreading to go to work, which I never felt before."

The hour-long planning was a hold-up, and I was behind by a few profiles, which is not what I wanted to happen. And yet I was still chatting with Ariane.

"Mahirap makipagsiksikan sa elevator na puno na."

And your responses...

Be patient..it will be better..in time.. *hug*

Anonymous koalashit9/15/2008     

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