11/12/2008
You've gotta break sometime

Every afternoon I wonder how some people manage to stay optimistic despite the odds. How do people actually have the gall to claim that everything will be all right, when first, they don't know what I'm going through, and second, they don't know what they're talking about?

"Okay lang yan," according to Karla. "Shit happens."

After two days of suspended bliss, I came crashing down to the ground. Sputter sputter konk konk bam. That's how it probably went, but I don't know, and I don't really have a way of knowing. All I know is I came crashing down to the ground hard, and although it still isn't a nice feeling, I couldn't feel anything else. Nineteen weeks, and I'm so used to it.

"It's okay," according to Valerie.

After that, it was gone, although I didn't bother changing my status message, as a statement of sorts to my exasperation. Then again, that exasperation didn't feel like it an hour later. It still wasn't working, and the engine won't start up, but it felt like I was. Why bother? I asked myself at one point. Whatever you do, nothing will happen. Well, maybe until...

"Umalis ka na nga diyan," according to Piyar. "Parang ganun ako ka-powerful, no?"

Better yet, you start asking why you're still actually holding on. After the blue-eyed (but painful) optimism of the past weekend, you're back to where you are, and perhaps worse - and consider that I thought it'll happen much earlier, although it didn't. But I can't do what I did before, and I can't do what I wanted to do, and there goes that familiar frustrating feeling. Familiar, but in no means comfortable.

So how do some people manage to become optimistic despite the odds? You can look at every nook and cranny, and you'll only see them talk about their happiest experiences, and you'll argue that they refuse to wallow in their problems, unlike me who's verging on psychological suicide. And everything that happens to them is a good thing. Got sick? Holiday. Got dumped? Drama, but I still love you anyway, so there, despair mixed with happiness. Got splashed on during the rain? It's a weather report, dummy. Don't they just really care?

I don't really know, but even if I can't feel the pain anymore, I know I don't want to crash from that high.

And your responses...

eto nalang- LAW OF ATTRACTION!!! :D

Blogger NiƱa11/12/2008     

I could relate dun sa part where you said that people always say "okay lang yan" when they don't even know what's happening. Haha. :p To be honest, ganun din naman nasasabi ko minsan. haha :)

Anonymous Lianne11/12/2008     

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