12/28/2008
Smiley faces

It's just a text message. It normally happens. It gets sent when you have to say something, and right now, you have something to say. And it doesn't hurt to let your intentions known. And your intentions is to show that you're concerned.

But that's the problem. You're concerned. You know very well what you really feel, but what will this text message tell her? It won't be the same old run-of-the-mill messages that you send. You're bound to put something in between the lines. You're going to hope that she gets it. You're going to wish to the stars above that she answers favorably, and then it'll lead to something considerably better.

But you're also wishing that nothing else comes out, that everything that crossed your head for the past eleven months will never leak out, and that this will all remain something that you and your friend-who-knows-everything know. What difference does a text message bring? It's everything, apparently, because not everybody will do it, and not everybody will let their intentions known, because they don't have to. And you suddenly think that you have to. Besides, it's just a cold, and nobody dies from a cold.

Maybe you're pushing yourself too hard. First, you don't have any business whether she gets sick or not. Second, you're not supposed to text someone like her about stuff so menial like, well, a get-well-soon message. She'll most definitely think it means something else. It'll just make things worse, like, maybe you'll feel a chillier feeling when you get back. The lack of conversation will become more pronounced, and as you see her brush you aside you'll think she's acting that way because she knows. Damn it, she knows.

But then again, perhaps it's better that way. An expert in relationships - seemingly - once said that the so-called bad guys are the ones who act friendly and aggressively and even flirty. No, you don't want that. You'll look stupid but you're better off admiring from afar. Just don't say anything until you have to. And you don't have to say anything now.

She doesn't know you exist, but you want to let her know you do, and the only way to do so is send that damn text message, and it will ruin your chances, and it will scar you for life, and it will give you a reason to smile, because she'll go "oh, thank you!" like she has many times with many people, and you'll see her face light up tomorrow, and you'll see her smile at you like she never has before, and you'll have a spring in your step, and...

So I'm supposed to send you a get-well-soon message. Or should I?

I'm fine. I'll be back at work tomorrow. Thanks.

Is that it? Where the heck is the smiley face?

And your responses...

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