3/25/2009
Pushed

There are people who are misunderstood. There are people who refuse to be understood. There are people who people don't want to understand.

There are people who are considered weird, and there are people who are simply tagged weird.

There are many things we'll never wrap our fingers around with.

It will definitely take long to accept that, but the sooner you do, the better. One by one, or all at once, it will pop out, the strings give way, everything falls. The pictures have to be reestablished, rebuilt, reconnected. One try and it's wrong. Another try, much more. For a moment, everything around you is out to get you, forcing you to formulate conspiracy theories about conversations on the dinner table, double-crossing everyone you trusted, or used to trust, it all goes out of the window.

And then you'll get used to the implosions. What gives if one lets go, and then another, and then another? If one apparently hasn't held on to you, chose to tag you this and that, play with you and spitting you out? And the things you've held dearly, you're letting them go, slowly creeping in desperation, of what is supposed to be and what is promised. Little by little, you'll find ways. And then, there will be one moment when you just take everything in stride, quite unusually, and just do what you have to do.

Sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.

The most ridiculous thing that could happen is, you suddenly believe in destiny, the very thing that you trashed as impossible. You've looked for answers, you never got them, you insist on getting them, because there must be a reason. Maybe there is a noted difference. You, perhaps, are the better one, ahead of their league, ahead of the game, meant to fall off the tree and do better things. Hesitation gets set aside, things are seen differently, and who knows? You can finally live without constraints.

Imagine those constraints creeping back. Everything coming back. Breaking through the filters, kicking on the door, stabbing you in the back, or wherever it may be.

You start wondering where you went wrong. Was it the shield? Was it the forgetting? Man, you shouldn't have forgotten, rather preferring to coexist, and accept. But you've done that, perhaps in a different way, but if it's you who matters then nobody should complain. Was it pure evil? Are they just out to get you? All those tags, perhaps, coming out, stepping in with white or green shoes, whichever? And then everybody will tell you to do the things you should've done but didn't. Accept. Welcome. Forgive. Accept some more.

After being pushed against the wall for so long, I cannot blame you for being hard on everyone else.

And your responses...

This pretty much explains my day.

Blogger Ofmabahongsocks3/26/2009     

well written! :)

Blogger N.3/28/2009     

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