3/30/2009
You stole the sun from my heart

He stood there, in the middle of chaos, quite confident that he's doing the right thing. He's engrossed, giving out instructions to those on the ground, walking around occasionally, keeping himself busy, keeping himself satisfied. He was in a daze, a positive kind of daze, and his head was - pardon the cheesy reference - in it.

But, from out of the blue, some guy approaches him and decides to nudge his legs. Specifically, that area behind the knee, whatever that's called. One moment, he stood confidently; the next, he was feeling weak, losing composure, losing balance, almost falling down. Obviously, he didn't like it.

"Ano ka ba?"

The other guy was unapologetic. "Masyado kang nagpapadala," he said. "Kalma lang. Masama ang masyadong napapagod."

He didn't know how to react. It was an exasperated frown forming on his face, or perhaps a convoluted laugh, but he instead proceeded to do what he was doing before. His step was slightly wobblier than usual. Nobody noticed it, but he definitely felt it.

The knees have given way, like the guy stuck in front of a desk, seated for hours on end. Or the cop who ran after the criminal, half-inspired by what he saw on television. The kid whose imagination runs wild, he who constantly daydreams about him and his crush, together, rainbows and all.

Crumbling defenses.

There are those who try to keep a game face, the attitude that screams preparedness for anything. Some play with wit, while some play with substance, and most manage to move on, doing what they have to do, or force themselves to do. There's no use with dwelling in the past, after all. Never mind the lost pay raise, or the injured hostage, or the failing grades, or the ruined reputations.

All it takes is a nudge on that spot of the body, and then you crumble.

They say we all have to keep strong. Never back down, never buckle, never lose faith in the goal, whatever that is. You're here to get to the hotel room, and not to stare at the mountains on the way. Not to aim for something you cannot reach, for something you've never planned to take in the first place, for something you somehow believe you deserve. Not to wonder about where you have gone, or what happened to you.

And, inevitably, think about the holes your past attempts have left behind.

You are no longer the same person. The daydreaming kid is standing out there, doing what he does best, acting as if he never showed any sign of weakness in the past. Or of lacking. One that hasn't been filled yet.

And act as if it never happened.

And your responses...

He needs flexibility. Like bamboo that seem strong and stiff, but when great winds blow against its stern physique, it will not break, rather bend and stand straight back.

Blogger Ofmabahongsocks4/01/2009     

"Act as if it never happened"... True, I agree... I could relate to that phrase...

Anonymous kooler4/07/2009     

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