6/10/2009
The same schizophrenic sky

I forgot what day it was, but it was definitely this week, when I looked out the window and realized that it's sunny, unlike what the weather forecast for the past few days (and the weather itself) suggested. So, I left my desk, went to the elevator going down, and stepped out of the building, only to realize that it's raining. Very hard.

So, I went back up, trudged back to my desk - that walk full of utter derision again - and took out my umbrella. Elevator going down. Out of the building. I realized it's not raining anymore.

Well, it still was, but the sun was still shining, and it's just a few drizzles, the type that you can survive without using anything to cover your head. I still brought the umbrella anyway, because nothing gets better than being a boy scout - and, as I've long learned, you might be greeted by torrential rains once you step out of the mall. (I risk throwing another reference here, but I won't.) And, I was hungry.

I end up playing with my umbrella, as if I am Gene Kelly holding a cane. And it wasn't raining anymore.

People who are diagnosed with ADHD - you know, Magic, Beethoven, Nicksy - need some sort of routine, or else they get rattled. Or, at least, that's what I told my mom, because that's what I read from a book I chanced upon while doing some surprisingly personal school project. Somehow it gives some structure to the whole day, and while it gets boring in the long run, at least it gives you something you can lean on.

So, in my case, that'd be me checking the same websites whenever I log in. Or me doing the same thing whenever I get back to work from lunch - go to the restroom and, after doing business, turn off the iPod and roll up the earphones on the walk back to the desk, if only to remove the derision. Or me walking on the same route to the shuttle every night - which, since Valerie introduced me to it, revolves around four escalators, one revolving door, and a stride through MRT passengers.

And then there are the things that you can absolutely rely on happening, even if you don't want it to, like looking up when someone walks away (and always chancing on the same person, to my irritation, just like that). Or that forty-minute drag from the C5 exit to the Skyway off-ramp. Minimum. At least, I figured, when you get past there it'd be pretty quick, more or less.

To say the least, it's been seriously confusing lately. For two nights, that spot on the highway with freaking heavy traffic was a breeze - at one point it took me under thirty minutes to pass! The trade-off was at the Daang Hari, which usually takes ten minutes to navigate halfway, but now takes ten to just half of that distance. Similar situation, really.

Throw in the rain, the missing emails, and the later departures, and you can call me a shallow person. But we all live in a schizophrenic world, under the same schizophrenic sky, because even if we choose one thing, life always chooses another. If you're less cynical, you can call it an ever-changing world - and I accuse you of marketing-speak.

And your responses...

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