7/01/2009
This is the denial

It was perhaps one of the worst assumptions he's made in his entire life.

The extreme view: he thought he had it made. There he was, hoping to get it right for once, perhaps going around it too quickly, but he knew this was the one, and after not following through for so many times before, he thought he knew enough to make the attempt, at the very least.

The not-so-extreme view: he's got someone to start anew with, and someone who seemed nice enough, someone who took things in stride, didn't take herself too seriously, quite open, that sort. And true enough, it was, and as all the similarities piled up, everything pointed to the extreme view. Well, maybe until he realized he can't hold that view, for it will come back to hit him hard. Or so he was told.

It was, perhaps, a case of getting cold feet. He returned to his old ways in roughly four weeks or so. Or he got a little more realistic. Be nice, but give space. As expected, nothing happened. Nobody can really tell what went wrong - maybe he clammed up too much that she didn't notice him, or maybe everybody else opened up to her that when he decided to open up, he got left behind. Or, as he felt - and as everybody else countered - she just didn't like him. It still meant he did something wrong, but he never went around to figure that one out.

So, in an oft-told story, he dug up every description he could get, and secretly played it against her. Ironically, he could never come up to her and slam all those in the face. He's still scared of confrontation, but he's starting just that. Or, he thought he dug up all those details, when he actually just inferred all of them. She's just keeping up appearances, trying to impress, to look smart, to look charming, and man, was he tricked. Never mind if the truth's very much the opposite. He's just convincing himself that she's not worth it.

It was one of the worst assumptions he's made in his entire life, thinking that the one moment they shared could start something. He looked at her, she looked at him, they laughed, and he felt disarmed.

One year later, he still is disarmed. He used to recover from these things pretty quickly. It hits a peak at the same point, starts dropping at the same point, and ends at the same point. But he's still at it, although it probably isn't his choice, or so he argues. He doesn't have anywhere else to go, he says.

That, or he refuses to believe that he's still falling in love, instead believing that he shouldn't. Or, he refuses to believe that he's no longer falling in love, instead believing that he should.

And your responses...

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