10/09/2009
Better than

It wasn't really dark inside, so I remembered that surprised look in the face. It either meant she was happy with my dedication, or more likely, she was happy that I chose to abuse myself further.

"Tatapusin mo yan sa bahay?"

Why not, I figured. One, it's something I have to do, and something my readers would certainly appreciate. Two, I can't do it in the office, naturally, because the power's out. At least, I thought, with my cynical what-the-fuck-did-I-do-to-deserve-this mindset, I do what I have to do no matter what it takes, while all of you take a holiday at every possible opportunity.

The power went out at a little past one in the afternoon - just when I returned to my desk to prepare that one last thing that I had to do. I left the office an hour later, in perhaps the most awkward elevator ride of my life since nine months ago. I had this weird smirk on my face, not because I had to go home early, not because the power went out, but because at the end of the day, I was the only person who managed to post (almost, note) everything. The worry in their faces. I seriously doubted it. It looked more like, "ganito lang rin pala mangyayari, eh!"

And then I told myself, "huwag kang ganyan, kakarmahin ka, baka mag-brownout habang wala ka pang nagagawa." But it's hard to resist, really. Might be the warm temperatures inside a powerless office. Might be all those conversations that warm the whole place further. All that stuff. I tried to be civil with the email from home, probably the only one the folks at Seattle would get. But you know. It's still there. You had to. Much like reading those comments from that one last thing I did, that one last thing I brought home. A good conversation.

Well, the power hasn't gone off, and I finished everything earlier than expected, but I don't really feel better. Still, the feeling of putting people down without them knowing? That's supposed to be satisfying, not like what Rachel and Finn felt later on.

And your responses...

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