10/28/2009
"Seems like it'd be okay for her to kiss and make up"

One. As the story goes, I was in a restaurant, meeting a friend, and I told that friend what I have been up to the past year or so, which is pointless, I said, because nothing has changed anyway, except, perhaps, for an extra boost from where you least expect it. And that friend wondered about why I lived through the same thing for the past year, and I didn't have an answer. I do not exactly have anything to hold on to. I do not know why I am holding on to it. Unless, of course, I'm holding on to something else and everything else is mere circumstance.

Two. As another story goes, I was, well, somewhere, meeting an acquaintance, and we knew the same person, and I asked about the said person, and the acquaintance admits that, "yes, I know that guy, and that guy hates me, and I don't know why." And I thought, shame, because there is a chance of restoring whatever has to be restored.

Three. I know there is nothing to be restored. In fact, I don't have to start anything in the first place. I know for a fact that I can only try so hard, and when nothing happens, what is the use, then, of trying until you die? I know that, if there's nothing left to do, there must be something else worth trying, something worth your time, something that will actually give you something. But there is nothing left to try at the moment, and I am left with the one thing that doesn't work, that is frustrating me, that is getting in my nerves, from my right temple down to my neck, from the tips of my fingers to my palm, connecting to my face, in despair, perhaps, in shock.

Four. I reached out to the guy. I don't understand why the guy doesn't want to reach back out. And then I see the guy's thoughts and I discover that the guy hates me, that the guy has removed me from an important list, and I thought, why try when nothing happens anyway? There are more things that are worth my attention, and more things that will give back, and I will stick with them. The guy lost me.

Five. Is it wrong to feel that you don't like me? You won't think what they think if you tried. I am the one who's supposed to think you hate me before I hate you. I am not the bad guy. It's so funny how misanthropic you are. You never talked to me. And then you expect me to do something? Okay, so the argument is flawed, and yes, you tried. And I accepted. And then you stopped. Just like that. Why, because I was angry at you? Is it wrong to openly wonder why that was the case before you reached out? When you reached out, I took it. And I, I was going to take it back. But you took it back first, and now you're puzzled why I hate you?

Six. I don't like match sticks. I don't really know how to use them. I'm scared of being burned, even if it's for a short time, and even if it's just my fingers, as long as the temperature is high, it's not recommended. The same way, I don't like lighters. I don't know how to start a fire unless it's from a distance, so I don't really have an experience with starting fires. Well, except if I have a long stick, which I don't have. More often than not someone else starts the fire for me, and I just work with it, and it will burn me, and I will be angry at that someone else who started the fire. All of my burn marks, it's because someone else started the fire and aimed it at me.

And your responses...

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