12/06/2009
It's Sunday night and I won't apologize

They sall say "try and try until you succeed". Makes sense, if you're the type who never gives up and has everything to go for, the type who believes people only have to pay attention to you and go "hey, you're not half-bad".

Catch is, I haven't seen anyone who goes about like that. The perfect excuse is "I'm just human", and with that, we get frustrated when everything we do brings us nothing, even after we've tried and tried and tried. "Until you succeed"? More of "until you see your life going down the drain because of your obsession". I'm tired of trying. So why not try elsewhere? I'm tired of trying. You weren't listening. I won't just sit here and take all the abuse, but I won't just try and try and try, knowing that I will never succeed.

Well, because you haven't tried.

Ohhh, trust me, I tried and tried and tried. And they said I have everything going for myself. And where am I? You're just not content. But of course. The perfect excuse is "I'm just human", and with that, we want something else from the moment we get very close to achieving what we want. Lightning McQueen, for instance, not crossing the finish line in the Pistol Cup, stopping just a foot shy of the checkered flag. I'm writing. I'm getting published. Some compromise. You know what I will ask next.

I read somewhere, in one of those magazines I bought, about a survey. I don't know if I should trust the source: they were interviewing a writer for The Simpsons. People would choose to be dumb and happy, rather than smart and unhappy. A curse, I say. And no, I'm not saying everyone else around me is dumb, although I actually envy them because they're happy. Twitter replies, for one. They'll ask you and go, "gimik after work, sama ka?" Or, you'll ask the same question and they'll go, "tara!"

Well, because you haven't tried.

Ohhh, trust me, I tried and tried and tried. And they say all you have to do is ask nicely and make yourself available. They all have excuses, the worst of all being "I'm meeting up with another friend". They scheduled before you, but it also means you're never a priority. You can't always have bad timing. You're just not their friend, that is all. I have boldly claimed, many times, earlier tonight included, that I don't have any friends. All I have are acquaintances - they'll only need you when they need something, not someone - and unrequited loves, which makes everything complicated, unncesesarily complicated.

So, tomorrow, I'm returning to my desk, and I'll type in a thousand words, chat with a few people, and go home, and have dinner, and sleep. I have done my part, and guess what? "I'm sorry, but you're just not good enough for me." You're just thinking that. But it's true. They never say that to their friends. I am, after all, just an acquaintance. "But I love you!" Really? Why are you always too busy? You just don't get it, you know? We're all working. We have our obligatons. Our priorities. And yet you make time for everybody else.

Well, because you haven't tried.

Ohhh, trust me, I tried and tried and tried. And they all say that I have to try a bit more, because somewhere, soon, is someone who will make time for you. The probability of finding that "you", I assume, is one in six billion.

And your responses...

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