4/24/2011
No more fighting

The last time this happened, we were fighting to stay together. Yes, I wanted to break free, but I was completely hesitant to do so. Letting go was just an option for when the while thing was irreparable. She, on the other hand, didn't want to let go. She gave me space, knowing I'd give us another try at one point or another. I did, a couple of months later. It wasn't irreparable.

Now, it happened again, and it's completely different. I just told myself, "right, that's it, there's nothing you can do." All she could muster was a mere "I'm beyond pissed at you!" Actually, I screwed up. It wasn't meant to be a spectacular break. I just broke off the wrong way, perhaps at the wrong time, and there it was. No more fighting.

I know we get tired after a while. We get bored. We look for something new. We decide to just forget about certain things, no matter how much it meant to us before. What amazes me - maybe it's the wrong line, but whatever - is how we do it. We hold on so hard. Or, we just let go. And it's never consistent. Two minutes ago I wanted this thing so badly. Two minutes later I don't give a damn.

What amazes me more is that, sometimes, we just don't care what happens. You let go of me? Fine. Enumerate reasons why. I'll be sour raping a bit. Maybe convincing mysel so hard that it's the right thing to do. Or I already have, which explains the "fine" part earlier. No more fighting.

And to think this is supposed to be forever. Or, at least you hoped it would be forever. But when you stop asking yourself whether it's your fault or not, well, it isn't supposed to be forever. It's a pit stop, not the finish line. You get back into the race. You were finding for the wrong thing. Now, if we could only get that right...

And your responses...

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