Monsters in the system

Here's the thing.

All I want is to relate to you.

All I want is to be part of the gang. Isn't it too much to ask?

And they say all I have to do is to reach out. I'm no stranger to this. I have friends of my own. We talk whenever we have time. Whenever we have time, we talk a lot, about anything and everything we can talk about.

But at the moment, this whole thing is frustrating me. The whole system is frustrating me. If all I have to do is to reach out, then how come I'm not getting anything? We'd nod politely, we'd have small talk in the pantry, and whenever I come up to you and ask something, you respond with a mumble and nothing more. What, did I do anything wrong? Am I being a bitch? Because if ever, I'd love to apologize, but that's just how things are here. You know, the system. When you mess up, you get punished, or something like it. But really, I'm sorry. Now, can you give me more than a polite nod? Any nod? No?

All I want is to be part of the gang. Maybe it is too much to ask. And you'd probably say, like you told me before, "don't you have anything to do tonight?" I would, but that is the problem. I have friends of my own, but they don't have the time for me anymore. I don't know. If they were really my friends they'd understand that I'm still thinking of them, I really am - it's just that, well, there are more important things at the moment. And they have the gall to point the finger at me, say I messed up and all. When you mess up, you get punished, or something like it. But I didn't mess up. I do not deserve to be punished.

Well, I'd like to think we're still friends. Nobody's really burned any bridges yet, anyway. Maybe they're just cooling off or something. Maybe they don't have the time. Maybe soon they'll drop me a line, go, "let's talk?" and we'll meet somewhere and talk a lot and stuff.

But while they don't follow through, I'll do the hard work. I'll be the one reaching out. It's supposed to work. It should work. All I want is to be part of the gang. Your gang. At the end of the day I want to talk to someone about my worries and problems. Or maybe about the funny things, I don't know. Whatever. This is how it's supposed to work. I reach out, and you respond. And we make something together. That's how the system works.

And right now, it's failing me.

And your responses...

'Yun o! It's grim but it's also kind of sweet. Hahaha. I related to it on a personal level. Reminded me of a good friend.

When I write mine, 'yun ang magiging grim. I'm just too busy with all the dibidis I bought.

I like your posts that play around the topic of friendship. Just saying. Heehee. More!

Blogger Fiona11/24/2011     

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